In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts- music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
people
easily get famous in today's world without any
talent
with the help of
Correct article usage
the interent
show examples
interent
Correct your spelling
Internet
and
technology
,
whereas
, those
people
actually
Correct pronoun usage
who actually
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
talent
can not get
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
and fame in
this
world. I
also
agree with
this
statement as
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
and young
people
get handsome payout.
Firstly
,
due to
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
of
technology
,
people
with no
talent
become rich in
this
global
Change the word
globally
show examples
as they just need to upload their funny and other videos on
Correct article usage
the interent
show examples
interent
Correct your spelling
Internet
and need a great fan following to watch that video. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, they become rich because most of the
applications owner
Fix the agreement mistake
application owners
show examples
pay better payout to the
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
who upload
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
on different
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
more than 1K
follow
Replace the word
followers
show examples
on their
soical
Correct your spelling
social
media .
For example
,
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
pay large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
to their regular user who
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
watchers on their
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
.
Secondly
, in
this
modern world
talent
is not that
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
like having
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
good
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
of
humor
Change the spelling
humour
show examples
and knowledge about
technology
like
Correct article usage
the popluar
show examples
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
singer of parmish verma ,who not having
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
voice but still having
name
Add an article
a name
the name
show examples
in richer
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
list because he edited his voice through voice changer application, even in one interview he
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
about it .
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
advertisement
campany
Correct your spelling
company
owner takes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modeler's
Change the spelling
modeller's
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media as they
also
need someone who can increase
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
having
talent
is one way to get popular and survive in the modern era ,
however
, stay
update
Replace the word
updated
show examples
with
technology
is another method to earn
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
payout
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
the number of
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
like
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
,
instagrams
Correct your spelling
Instagram
and so on.
Submitted by kirandkaur131 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence Cohesion
To improve in Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. Begin with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your opinion and what the essay will discuss. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a single main idea that is developed coherently and that it relates to the thesis statement.
Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and including a conclusion that summarizes your overall stance. To gain a higher score, expand on your ideas with more detailed and specific examples and explanations that clearly support your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: