IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries today, there is an attitude that ‘anyone can do it’ in the arts- music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. Do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 easily get famous in today's world without any
talent
Use synonyms
 with the help of
Correct article usage
the interent
show examples
interent
Correct your spelling
Internet
 and
technology
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
actually
Correct pronoun usage
who actually
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
talent
Use synonyms
 can not get
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
 and fame in
this
Linking Words
 world. I
also
Linking Words
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
 and young
people
Use synonyms
 get handsome payout.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 with no
talent
Use synonyms
 become rich in
this
Linking Words
global
Change the word
globally
show examples
 as they just need to upload their funny and other videos on
Correct article usage
the interent
show examples
interent
Correct your spelling
Internet
 and need a great fan following to watch that video. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, they become rich because most of the
applications owner
Fix the agreement mistake
application owners
show examples
 pay better payout to the
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 who upload
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 on different
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more than 1K
follow
Replace the word
followers
show examples
 on their
soical
Correct your spelling
social
 media .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 pay large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
 to their regular user who
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
 watchers on their
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern world
talent
Use synonyms
 is not that
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 like having
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 good
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of
humor
Change the spelling
humour
show examples
 and knowledge about
technology
Use synonyms
 like
Correct article usage
the popluar
show examples
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
 singer of parmish verma ,who not having
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 voice but still having
name
Add an article
a name
the name
show examples
 in richer
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 list because he edited his voice through voice changer application, even in one interview he
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
 about it .
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 advertisement
campany
Correct your spelling
company
 owner takes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modeler's
Change the spelling
modeller's
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media as they
also
Linking Words
 need someone who can increase
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 having
talent
Use synonyms
 is one way to get popular and survive in the modern era ,
however
Linking Words
, stay
update
Replace the word
updated
show examples
 with
technology
Use synonyms
 is another method to earn
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 payout
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the number of
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 like
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
,
instagrams
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 and so on.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence Cohesion
To improve in Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. Begin with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your opinion and what the essay will discuss. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a single main idea that is developed coherently and that it relates to the thesis statement.
Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and including a conclusion that summarizes your overall stance. To gain a higher score, expand on your ideas with more detailed and specific examples and explanations that clearly support your position.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: