IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

If an individual acts in an anti-social way, such as committing the crime, who is to be blamed, society or the individual? what are the causes behind such behaviour? who should be responsible for this?

#acts #crime #society #behaviour
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Knowledge of right and wrong makes it easy for every individual to choose what path to trade on.
The
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 should take
share
Correct article usage
a share
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 in the blame but a person who commits
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
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 should take the major blame.
Although
Linking Words
 there are various factors leading to
crime
Use synonyms
 which
ranges
Correct subject-verb agreement
range
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 from person-influenced to
society
Use synonyms
-induced, the individuals involved should face the consequences for their actions. To start with, many factors can enforce
crime
Use synonyms
 and other anti-social behaviours among a population.
This
Linking Words
 includes poverty, unemployment, lack of education and environmental influence. Though some of these behaviours are inherent in many people, external influence takes precedence over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inherited traits.
According to
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a
Remove the article
apply
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global research, there is a
surgence
Correct your spelling
resurgence
surge
 in
crime
Use synonyms
 rate in poor countries than in developed countries. Again, Nigeria in the
last
Linking Words
 review on the recent increase in fraudulence activities and abduction has attributed it to recession within the country.
However
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, the people involved in an anti-social act should be responsible for their decisions and actions. Law serves as a major
guidiance
Correct your spelling
guideline
 to rights and wrongs and
hence
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 every act by an individual who has mental capacity and
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 carried out as self-defense should be considered deliberate and
hence
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 should face the law. Placing the blame on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 despite their obvious contribution to an increase in
crime
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 rate would encourage
further
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crime
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, a son
to
Change preposition
of
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 a popular artist in Cameroon during an interview after serving his time in prison told the public that his bad actions as a teenager
was
Change the verb form
were
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 encouraged since he was pardoned after killing a man.
Such
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 instinct without setting the offender right can become
a
Change the article
apply
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normal in the person. In conclusion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 individual should be blamed but
majorly
Rephrase
mostly
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 the offender. Both
also
Linking Words
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
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 to the causes of crimes, but the individual should face the consequences as
this
Linking Words
 will help reduce the case of recidivism.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the task, discussing both who should be blamed for anti-social behavior and the causes behind such behavior. However, a few more specific examples and alignment between examples and points would enhance this further.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs, some sentences can be clearer to better convey your points. You could also improve cohesion by using more cohesive devices to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Expanding on the conclusion to succinctly summarize your points and reassert your arguments would provide a more powerful finish to your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion by presenting a balanced view on the issue.
task achievement
You've included relevant points on poverty, unemployment, and external influences which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is well organized, with distinct paragraphs for each main point which aids the reader's understanding.
task achievement
You provide a strong example with Nigeria and Cameroon to illustrate your points which adds credibility to your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Anti-social behavior
  • Crime
  • Moral reasoning
  • Psychological factors
  • Social injustice
  • Inequality
  • Upbringing
  • Dysfunctional families
  • Peer pressure
  • Reciprocal influence
  • Free will
  • Moral compass
  • Governance
  • Law enforcement
  • Survival
  • Unchecked
  • Recreational facilities
  • Boredom
  • Normalization of crime
What to do next:
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