Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Success
or failure is too vague to argue and everyone has their own standard for it. It was the accumulation of their experiences, environment, and how they grew up.
For example
, for someone who is raised in a family with an academic background, it is important for them to achieve the highest educational degree. There was another example of someone who rose in an unwealthy family, if they can break through their poverty they call it a
success
, even if they did not have a high educational degree. Failure or
success
in school
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not be the parameter of how successful someone is in the future.
Although
, education is one of the keys to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
.
Success
does not depend on how well you perform during academy days, it is
also
the accumulation of non-educational hard work. School is not the place to do educational activities only. It
also
teaches students how to make a relationship with others, how to behave, and how to think. Another thing that needs to be highlighted is children can not choose their own path during adolescent days, because they are not mature enough.
That is
why parent chooses to take their child to school. It can develop their way of thinking, so later on, they can choose their path wisely when they
are grow
Change the verb form
are growing
are grown
show examples
up. For me, the most important thing to succeed in life is when you can fulfil yourself. There is money to buy your basic needs and wants, you have
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
to cherish
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, doing good to others, and have something to look forward
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
But it is important to define '
success
' for yourself. Because
success
does not have any parameter but yourself.
Submitted by syifahilyatsaniya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion presence
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay's main points. To improve, refine your introduction by providing a clear thesis statement that directly addresses both questions: why some people find success despite failing in school, and what the most important thing is to succeed in life.
logical structure
Although the essay mentions key ideas, it sometimes meanders and lacks clarity in argument progression. Strengthen coherence by arranging your points more logically, transitioning smoothly between them, and adhering to the main topic throughout.
supported main points
Provide more specific examples or evidence to back up your claims. While discussing success outside of academic achievements, use concrete instances to illustrate your point, like referencing entrepreneurs who succeeded without formal education.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on your ideas by exploring them more deeply rather than just stating them. For instance, when discussing the role of education in life success, you can compare and contrast with real-life scenarios that illustrate the complexities of this relationship.
introduction conclusion presence
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the essay's main points and restate the thesis. Improve your conclusion by tying all your ideas together more cohesively, restating the definition of success, and offering a final thought on its importance.
complete response
Although you addressed both components of the prompt, ensuring a balanced and thorough discussion of each part is important for a stronger response. Elaborate equally on why school failures can become life successes and on your view of the most important element for success.
relevant specific examples
Make sure every example you introduce relates directly to the main topic and supports the argument you're making. Strengthen your essay by connecting personal or widely known examples to the broader argument you are presenting about success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: