IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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A great number of meal and beverage products include a great level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 and it leads
plenty
Change preposition
to plenty
show examples
 of medical issues. Despite
this
Linking Words
 fact, I am inclined to believe that
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
raisement
Correct your spelling
increase
 in
sugar
Use synonyms
's cost would
conflicts
Wrong verb form
conflict
show examples
 with humans'
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they have to pay more than its worth and it is redundant. First of all, there are other things that
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 harmful than
sugar
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as alcohol or
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
. Compared to medical issues
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
,
Use synonyms
sugar's
Change noun form
sugar
show examples
 is negligible. If they feel like there should be a price regulation
according to
Linking Words
 the level of
harmness
Correct your spelling
firmness
hardness
harmless
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 probably would be at
last
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from my point of view, a regulation like
that is
Linking Words
 not appropriate.
People
Use synonyms
 have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to buy things more
cheap
Change the word
cheaply
show examples
. There are
people
Use synonyms
 who barely
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
effort
 their
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and it would be unfair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. Humans should put a limitation
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 themselves and it should be up to their own conscience. If governments want to stop overusing, they may start projects so as to
make
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 awareness and
thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 would realise.
For example
Linking Words
, If I
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
president, I would not increase alcohol prices, I would start
compaignes
Correct your spelling
campaigns
campaign
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who are addicted.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 may cause medical issues but it is related to its amount.
Human
Add an article
The human
show examples
 body
also
Linking Words
 needs it per day in order to make ATP (an energy unit). Without it, our
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 would not work or we would be unconscious. Every
reaciton
Correct your spelling
reaction
, muscle movement, brain activity or even breathing are associated with ATPs. What I mean is it has both pros and cons. It depends on human beings to consume enough
for running
Change preposition
to run
show examples
 their body system.
For instance
Linking Words
, lack of vitamin D causes bone diseases but overusing it may
also
Linking Words
 cause liver diseases. It is all about taking everything not less and
also
Linking Words
 not much.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 should not be more expensive, it should be
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
preference to how much
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 it and it is not only detrimental, it has
also
Linking Words
 benefits.

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to address the prompt directly and develop a clear position throughout the essay. You should provide a balanced view if disagreeing, including potential benefits to increasing the cost of sugary products and how it may influence health outcomes.
task achievement
Focus on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas by structuring your arguments logically. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting details. Avoid general statements and make your points clearer and more specific to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using clear and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear central theme that is developed, rather than introducing new ideas without sufficient explanation.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant examples and evidence. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be stronger. Make sure that the introduction sets up your argument and that the conclusion summarizes and restates your position on the issue clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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