In many country, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after birth of the newborn. Do you think that the advantages of the maternity leave outweigh its disadvantages?
Maternity
leave has become a mandatory regulation in many country
. During the first month after giving Change to a plural noun
countries
birth
, women or mother
are recommended or allowed by their workplace to take Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
maternity
leave. On the contrary
, when a company didn't
allow it, it could be considered as a violation towards Wrong verb form
doesn't
human's
and women's rights. Change noun form
human
Consequently
, massive protests towards that company will likely be
Unnecessary verb
apply
occured
. Correct your spelling
occur
Due to
this
, it can be seen that most people have agreed with this
rule and i
believe the advantages of taking Change the capitalization
I
maternity
leave does
outweigh its Correct subject-verb agreement
do
disadvantage
. In Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
this
essay, i
will elaborate Change the capitalization
I
some
of its advantages.
Change preposition
on some
Firstly
, maternity
leave is normalized
and mandatory regulation in the workplace nowadays. Correct article usage
a normalized
Moreover
, most companies have declared this
exact rule to
Change preposition
in
its
worker's Correct pronoun usage
their
contract
. One of the Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
reason
behind Change to a plural noun
reasons
this
because after giving birth
, newly
mom or Rephrase
the new
mother
is on
their most fragile state. The process of giving Change preposition
in
birth
, as we all know, is not something easy. Giving birth
is a life or death
situation because it Add a hyphen
life-or-death
involved
two Wrong verb form
involves
soul
. Some Change to a plural noun
souls
mother
experienced blood Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
lost
, oxygen drop, pass-out, and so on. Replace the word
loss
As a result
, mothers can't do their usual routine and many doctors advised
Wrong verb form
advise
to
these new mothers to rest and focus on recovering. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, why it is recommended for mother
to take Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
maternity
leave.
Lastly
, like their mother
, new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
fragile, especially on
their first month. They still depend on their Change preposition
in
mother
for food and bond. New born baby
or we like to called
a Change the verb
call
new born
needs a lot of their Correct your spelling
newborn
parents
attention. From adapting to a new world Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
until
their feeding process. Change preposition
to
For instance
, it is important for a baby
to be fed with breast milk, thus
why an infant needs their mom
presence most of the Change noun form
mom's
times
. Both of their Fix the agreement mistake
time
parents
, especially their mom, had to teach them on sucking or drinking from their breast
. Fix the agreement mistake
breasts
Additionally
, this
one month
process will affect Add a hyphen
one-month
on
their Change preposition
apply
baby
growth and development. Based on psychology theory, Change noun form
baby's
baby
from the age
0
until 5 Change preposition
of 0
is
considered the most important Correct subject-verb agreement
are
age
or the golden age
for their development. Thus
, parents
involvement in Change noun form
parents'
parent's
this
particular age
is needed because they still need their guidance to survive.
In conclusion, i
believe Change the capitalization
I
its
advantages of taking Change the word
the
maternity
leave does
outweigh its Verb problem
apply
disadvantage
. It can be proven by the condition of the new Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
mother
and the importance of mother's
presence for their Correct article usage
the mother's
new born
. Psychology theory Correct your spelling
newborn
said
that Wrong verb form
says
baby
from the Fix the agreement mistake
babies
age
0
until 5 Change preposition
of 0
is
called the golden Correct subject-verb agreement
are
age
because it's their crucial age
for development and parents
involvement Change noun form
parents'
parent's
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
also
expected.Submitted by writingielts0 on
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coherence cohesion
Continue to structure your essay with logical arguments and clear progression, but work on ensuring a more distinct introduction and conclusion. It is crucial to restate your thesis and summarize key points in the conclusion.
task achievement
While your essay completes the task, it can be improved by expanding on the specific advantages and also discussing potential disadvantages to provide a balanced view.
task achievement
To enhance clarity and the development of ideas, provide specific and varied examples that underscore your points. The use of theoretical references like psychology theory is good, but diversify with concrete cases and data if possible.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by linking your ideas more smoothly using a wider range of discourse markers and transition phrases.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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