Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The question of who bears the responsibility for instilling good values in
children
,
shaping
Correct word choice
and shaping
show examples
them into respectable
individuals
in society, is a contentious issue. Some argue that
this
responsibility lies squarely with
parents
,
while
others contend that educational institutions should play a pivotal role in
this
regard. In the following paragraphs, I will examine both perspectives and present my viewpoint.
Parents
are unquestionably responsible for shaping the character of their
children
, being their primary caretakers and guardians. Acting as role models,
parents
should exhibit positive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, setting examples for their
children
to emulate. Leading by example is a potent means of instilling moral values, with
children
often mirroring the conduct of those they admire. Should
children
misbehave, measured punishments, or when deemed excessive, warnings, can be administered. The implementation of these measures is indispensable for the holistic development of
children
into morally upright
individuals
.
Conversely
, schools are viewed as another critical environment for teaching
children
good manners. Given that
children
spend a significant portion of their time at school and interact with peers who can influence their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, schools become instrumental in shaping their manners. Studies indicate that young
individuals
often mimic
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
of their peers, influencing their
overall
demeanor
Change the spelling
demeanour
show examples
.
Furthermore
, teachers, serving as surrogate
parents
, contribute significantly to students' understanding of good life values. A well-designed school curriculum is essential to ensure positive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
among all pupils, ultimately contributing to the
overall
development of
children
's character. In conclusion, both
parents
and schools are instrumental in teaching young
individuals
good manners.
However
, I firmly believe that a collaborative approach, combining efforts from both parties, synergistically fosters
children
into becoming decent members of society.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
A stronger connection between paragraphs and a more explicit linking of ideas could enhance the logical progression of the essay. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices would benefit the text's flow.
task achievement
For each viewpoint discussed, include specific, real-world examples to ground the arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Develop the conclusion further to provide a more in-depth synthesis of the discussed views and your own opinion, giving the reader a final, compelling takeaway.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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