IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negetive effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #negetive #effect #children
A multitude of
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 covering news of
celebrities
 is a mainstream phenomenon happening in the world of journalism. It is generally believed that
celebrities
' lives have been used as a direction
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some people in living their lives. News regarding
this
 topic would definitely benefit the
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 who cover it.
However
, it is widely assumed that
this
 fact has led to a negative impact on children. In my own perspective, I partially disagree with
this
 view. The majority of
celebrities
 tend to show their brightest sides, which
therefore
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the concealment of the dark sides. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals have the eagerness to follow their paths.
For instance
, in 2019, some groups of people in Indonesia started to imitate a different
way
to eat
Change preposition
of eating
show examples
 introduced by an influencer called Vina. In one of her videos that went viral on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, Vina demonstrated a
way
 to with based on table manners.
This
 eventually led to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 elegant
way
 of eating.
On the other hand
, some
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 work
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a completely opposite
way
.
Instead
 of publishing the kindness of
celebrities
,
this
 kind of media
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to create a controversy
such
 as scandal of the
celebrities
.
This
 ultimately
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to a drawback faced by people, especially parents whose children start to imitate these bad behaviours.
Moreover
,
this
 phenomenon is
worried
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to be influencing the personality of these minors in the near future. As a
way
 of conclusion, the publishment of
celebrities
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 both positive and negative impacts on children. That being said, parents have to be selective in providing
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to be watched by their kids in order to protect them.
Submitted by ferdimasabrar2072 on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue. Aim to include a thesis statement that indicates to the reader the direction your essay will take.
logical structure
Your essay needs a more structured approach, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea which is then developed with supporting sentences. Use transitional phrases to help guide the reader more smoothly between your ideas.
supported main points
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and help illustrate your point of view more clearly. Avoid general statements without concrete illustrations.
complete response
While you address the task, it's important to develop your answer more thoroughly. Give a balanced view by elaborating on both the positive and negative effects of celebrity media coverage on children, providing more detailed explanations and examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas could be explained more comprehensively. Clarify and expand upon your ideas, ensuring that each is thoroughly developed and easy to understand. Avoid vagueness by being as clear and specific as possible.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are necessary to substantiate your claims. Cite more specific instances where celebrity media coverage has had an observed impact on children, both positive and negative, to provide a stronger argument.

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