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Band 5.5

Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #persons #address #stage #environment #level
Environmental degradation has become an issue of grave concern.
While
 I believe that big
steps
 to save the environment are needed to be taken at the global
level
, I disagree that no
steps
 can be taken at the national and individual
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. There are many reasons why
steps
 need to be taken at the international
level
 to save the environment.
Firstly
, pollution caused by one country can affect many others.
For instance
, the whole Pacific Ocean has now been polluted with mercury
due to
release
Correct article usage
the release
show examples
 of industrial wastewater into the Pacific Ocean by Japan’s industries.
Similarly
, the ozone hole is the biggest over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Antarctica, nowhere near the industrialized nations of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 or Europe, which were the main polluters in the 20th century.
Therefore
, global intervention is needed to ameliorate these issues.
However
, it would be wrong to say that nothing can be done at the individual country’s
level
.
To begin
 with,
countries
 have to make rules and laws at
national
Add an article
the national
a national
show examples
level
 to be followed by people.
In addition
,
countries
 can take the lead and take
steps
, which show the way for other
countries
 to follow. To exemplify, many
countries
 are now copying
the
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apply
show examples
Israel’s desalination water model. Here a single country’s efforts have resulted in a global solution to fresh-water concerns.
Similarly
, small measures taken at the individual
level
 will take mammoth dimensions when mounted up.
For example
, if 9 billion people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world plant a tree each, say no to plastics and start using public transport more, it would have gigantic results. People can take simple
steps
 like recycling things
such
 as newspapers, plastics and glass. They could
also
 walk for short distances
instead
 of using their vehicles and for long
distances
Add a comma
distances,
show examples
 they could use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport.
Thus
, individual participation is actually critical to the success of global and
national
Add a hyphen
national-level
show examples
level
 environmental efforts. Summing up, to protect the environment,
steps
 need to be taken at all levels – individual, national and international.
Submitted by aamenis on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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