IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #persons #address #stage #environment #level
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Environmental degradation has become an issue of grave concern.
While
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 I believe that big
steps
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 to save the environment are needed to be taken at the global
level
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, I disagree that no
steps
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 can be taken at the national and individual
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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. There are many reasons why
steps
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 need to be taken at the international
level
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 to save the environment.
Firstly
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, pollution caused by one country can affect many others.
For instance
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, the whole Pacific Ocean has now been polluted with mercury
due to
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release
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the release
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 of industrial wastewater into the Pacific Ocean by Japan’s industries.
Similarly
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, the ozone hole is the biggest over
the
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apply
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Antarctica, nowhere near the industrialized nations of
US
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the US
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 or Europe, which were the main polluters in the 20th century.
Therefore
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, global intervention is needed to ameliorate these issues.
However
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, it would be wrong to say that nothing can be done at the individual country’s
level
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.
To begin
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 with,
countries
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 have to make rules and laws at
national
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the national
a national
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level
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 to be followed by people.
In addition
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,
countries
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 can take the lead and take
steps
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, which show the way for other
countries
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 to follow. To exemplify, many
countries
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 are now copying
the
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apply
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Israel’s desalination water model. Here a single country’s efforts have resulted in a global solution to fresh-water concerns.
Similarly
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, small measures taken at the individual
level
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 will take mammoth dimensions when mounted up.
For example
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, if 9 billion people
of
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in
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 the world plant a tree each, say no to plastics and start using public transport more, it would have gigantic results. People can take simple
steps
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 like recycling things
such
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 as newspapers, plastics and glass. They could
also
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 walk for short distances
instead
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 of using their vehicles and for long
distances
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distances,
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 they could use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transport.
Thus
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, individual participation is actually critical to the success of global and
national
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national-level
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level
Use synonyms
 environmental efforts. Summing up, to protect the environment,
steps
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 need to be taken at all levels – individual, national and international.
Submitted by aamenis on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, work on linking your main points more effectively with a range of cohesive devices. This will ensure seamless transitions between ideas.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure every paragraph directly contributes to answering the question. Additionally, including a wider variety of examples to support your statements would strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • environmental degradation
  • unified approach
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • resource constraints
  • technology constraints
  • international treaties
  • global standards
  • collective efforts
  • local initiatives
  • non-governmental organizations
  • corporations
  • environmental protection
  • specificities
  • innovative potential
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