Some people think that government should not give international aid if they have disadvantaged people like unemployed and homeless in their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that
the
governments should not give Correct article usage
apply
aid
to poor countries
if there are underprivileged people within their own country
. I believe that the developing and developed countries
should always step forward to help the impoverished countries
.
The main reason why countries
should give aid
is that international aid
not only helps the recipient country
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the donor country
. In other words
, as poor countries
develop through aid
, it fosters international trade. This
creates higher
demand for products made in Add an article
a higher
the
rich Correct article usage
apply
countries
, which improves the economy of rich countries
by creating jobs. So, homelessness and unemployment of
donor Change preposition
in
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
is
Change the verb form
are
also
addressed.
Secondly
, international aid
is not only given to reduce poverty,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
to improve the country
’s own security. By giving aid
, the economic condition of the poor countries
improves and so the conditions that promote terrorism, such
as poverty, unemployment and corruption are removed. So, this
aid
promotes peace and stability in the whole world.
Finally
, giving aid
adds to the power and influence of the rich countries
. Today, the status in the world is not based on military strength, but on relationships with other countries
. This
aid
is accompanied by development
of people-to-people contacts between the two Add an article
the development
countries
and raises the image of that country
in the eyes of the people of the recipient country
. For example
, recently, the United Nations HR commission’s
chairman had to be elected, and an Indian was elected because of the soft power that India has.
Capitalize word
Commission’s
To sum up
, I reiterate my opinion saying that all countries
should help by giving foreign aid
even if there are problems of unemployment and homelessness within them.Submitted by aamenis on
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introduction conclusion present
To enhance your essay, make sure to introduce your topic with a clear thesis statement that outlines the scope of the discussion and directly addresses the prompt. While your conclusion summarizes the essay well, try to tie it back more explicitly to the prompt's question regarding the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
logical structure
Your essay has good logical structure overall, but it can benefit from clearer transitions and more varied linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. Try to include cohesive devices that better signal the relationship between points, such as comparison, contrast, cause, or effect.
supported main points
You have provided a few examples to support your main points. To improve, insert more specific real-world examples that demonstrate your argument. This will ground your points in reality and make your argument more persuasive. For instance, mentioning specific instances of foreign aid that resulted in trade benefits would strengthen your second paragraph.
complete response
Overall, your response to the task is complete and your ideas are clear and comprehensively explained. Remember, however, to address the counter-arguments to create a more balanced discussion. Reflecting on the complexities of the issue will show a deeper understanding and might earn you a higher score in task achievement.