IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie chart below represents the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The bar chart shows how these causes affected three regions of the world in the 1990s. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The pie chart below represents the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The bar chart shows how these causes affected three regions of the world in the 1990s. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#land #bar #three #regions #world #summarise #data #features #comparisons
The pie graph illustrates the major causes of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land
degradation
 from all around the world, and the table depicts how much
land
degradaded
Correct your spelling
degraded
 in North America,
Europe
 and
Ocenia
Correct your spelling
Oceania
due to
 the main factors.
Overall
, over-grazing is the most significant reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 worldwide
land
degradation
. The proportions of total
land
 lost
due to
degradation
 in
Europe
 and Oceania are noticeable,
however
, their
losts
Correct your spelling
loss
 primarily depends on different factors. There are three main
land
degradation
 reasons, and the primary factor is over-grazing.
Over consumption
Correct your spelling
Overconsumption
show examples
 of grasses by animals accounts for just above a third of the total
land
degradation
. Depletion of forests is the second-highest with 30%, and
this
 is followed by
over agricultural
Add a hyphen
over-agricultural
show examples
 activities which are nearly 30% of the total lost. The remaining volume of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land
degradation
is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on other causes with %7. Almost a quarter of the total
land
degradation
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occurs
 in
Europe
, which is followed by
Ocenia
Correct your spelling
Oceania
 and North America, with 13% and 5% respectively.
While
 the obvious cause in
Ocenia
Correct your spelling
Oceania
 is over-grazing with 11.3% of the total
degradation
, deforestation (9.8%) and over-cultivation (7.7%) are the major causes in
Europe
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, degradation, europe with synonyms.
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