IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that it is better to learn something in a group , rather than learning it individualy . Do you agree or disagree?

#people #group
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals think that learning something in a team is better than
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 in
lonelyness
Correct your spelling
alone
. I completely agree with
this
 idea and I will explain with some examples in
this
 essay. First of all , it is crystal clear that humans
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been created as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sociable
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 in the world ; in fact , no one
could not
Verb problem
can
show examples
 live alone and it is necessary for us to be in a
group
 of people ;
for example
 , consider a man who is living alone in a foreign country and he does not communicate with anybody ,
although
, he wants to learn the language of that region ;
however
 , he tries a lot to learn the new language as a self-study, he could not be successful in it ;
as a result
 , learning a language in a
group
 is easier than learning in private.
Secondly
, needless to say,
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
learning in a
group
 is more active and competitive than individually ; to illustrate , during the pandemic some of the children studied at home in their own privacy and they got used to
this
 way of studying ; as a matter of fact , they forgot the competitions when they go back to school as before ;
accordingly
 , should the students practice their lessons in groups , they would be more active and competitive after the quarantine.
To conclude
 , in reaffirming the above ideas that mentioned the sociable charectaricity and competitivity of human beings, I agree with
this
 view about learning in
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 is much better than learning individually at all.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the coherence of ideas could be enhanced by ensuring logical connections between sentences and ideas, avoiding abrupt changes in thought.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures and using cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'consequently' to enhance the flow of the essay and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
You've offered reasons to support your position, but specific examples would strengthen your main points. Real-world examples or personal experience can be very convincing when defending your viewpoint in an IELTS essay.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully developed and clearly expressed. While you have conveyed your agreement with the topic in your essay, offering a more in-depth explanation of how learning in groups could be more beneficial could improve the comprehensiveness of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaborative environment
  • discussion
  • debate
  • exchange of ideas
  • critical soft skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • emotional and motivational support
  • isolating
  • personalized pace
  • efficient learning
  • self-discipline
  • accountability
  • educational progress
  • distractions
  • group dynamics
  • commitment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: