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Writing Samples
Band 7

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machine are new able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#development #technology #machine #work #people #trend
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Whether to replace
humans
 with
machines
 in the manufacturing processes is a recurring argument.
This
 writer argues that the benefits of high productivity and the quality of
products
 outweigh the drawbacks of the loss of occupation seen in
people
. The most advantageous factor for using
machines
instead
 of workers is that it allows for the production of a large number of
products
 in a short time.
In other words
,
machines
 tend to have a default working process for a certain amount of time and they
also
 need to fulfil the producing aim which was set by the employers.
As a result
, industries use robotic
machines
 to ensure that in the given time, they will have enough
products
 to sell to customers without delay or procrastination.
Furthermore
,
machines
 will help them to follow the plan which has already been set up and achieve high productivity during the work process. Another point that should
also
 be considered is the quality of the output. It must be recognised that the
products
 which were made by
humans
 often have some errors in the working processes.
Moreover
, sometimes
people
 will make a big mistake that will affect the quality
as well as
 the experience of the customers.
As a result
, utilising
machines
 in the production lines will reduce the rate of errors which were caused by
humans
 and ensure the
products
 will be sold to purchasers without mistakes.
However
, some
people
 think that replacing
people
 with technological devices will make
people
 lose their jobs.
Due to
 the fact that most enterprises and industries want to reduce the cost of the working processes which include both
humans
 and
machines
 ,they have to fire
people
 to lessen the amount of money spent on them
such
 as salaries or insurance. It may be true but effectively separating work will go a long way in protecting employees from being unemployed. Taking all points into account, the loss in employees’ occupation is outweighed by the benefits of the high productivity and the good output of
products
.
Hence
, it is more beneficial to utilise
machines
 to do the work which
humans
 used to do
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs and within them. Use a range of cohesive devices and make sure they are not repetitive or mechanical.
Task Achievement
Expand on the ideas by providing more specific examples to support them. Personal, historical, or contemporary examples add depth to the argument and make the essay more convincing.
Task Achievement and Coherence and Cohesion
While the introduction provides a clear thesis, enhance the conclusion by summarising the main points more thoroughly and clearly stating your final stance on the issue. This strengthens the overall argument and gives the reader a clear sense of closure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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