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Band 5

Social networking sites are beneficial on an individual level, but for a community as a whole, it does have a negative impact. Give your opinion.

#sites #level #community #impact
Currently, social networking sites provide
communication
 between
people
.
From THE
Correct your spelling
On the
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 one hand, it is useful for one person and at the same time, it has a detrimental effect
for
Change preposition
on
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 the whole
society
. I definitely agree with
this
. Undoubtedly,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 have
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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benefits from these sites. Admittedly,
communication
 is an integral part of the human life. It maintains mental health.
In addition
, surfing the Internet helps to relax,
release
Correct word choice
and release
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 stress.  One good example of using
such
 services is related to
people
 with speech disabilities who now have a way
for
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of
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communication
Replace the word
communicating
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 with almost everyone in network space that was not available in the past.
Consequently
, they have
ability
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the ability
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 to share their thoughts and ideas with others.
However
,
due to
 these services,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
society
gets
Verb problem
has
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 influence.
People
faced
Add a missing verb
are faced
show examples
 with
lack
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a lack
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 of face-to-face
communication
 and
speach
Correct your spelling
speech
 which is filled with deep meaning. It is more convenient to chat
by
Change preposition
with
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 digital devices
instead
 of
to have
Change the verb form
having
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 real
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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.
For instance
, a person does not need to leave a home.
In addition
,
speech
Add an article
the speech
a speech
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 of
people
have been became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 easier.
People
 do not want to spend time
for
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on
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 long smart sentences.
Moreover
, sometimes we replace speech
by
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with
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 an emoji. The ability to express thoughts by writing is certainly related to a level of
a
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apply
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personal development. Each individual is a tiny particle of the entire
society
.
As a result
, using these services
by
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in
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this
 way leads to the degradation of the whole
society
. To recapitulate, I consider that individuals benefit from social networking sites,
whereas
 the entire
society
 suffers from them
due to
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 described above.
Submitted by astafieva.k on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, consider structuring your argument more clearly. Develop a strong thesis statement in the introduction and use subsequent paragraphs to support this statement with detailed examples and reasoning.
task achievement
Make your examples more detailed and specific to illustrate your points more convincingly. Rather than general statements, use concrete instances that show the impact of social networking sites on individuals and communities.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your coherence by using a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively. This includes transition words, pronouns, and synonyms that help to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to create a more interesting and sophisticated writing style, which can help to hold the reader's attention and convey your ideas with greater clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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