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Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think is a positive or negative develompent?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #develompent
While
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
show examples
 realm is enormously developing, it is largely seen that hours spent on smartphones are considerably staggering, especially by children. In
this
 essay, I will examine the background pertaining to
this
 issue and elaborate on why I find
this
 occurrence as a negative development.
To begin
 with,
smartphone
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the smartphone
a smartphone
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 is a vital source of
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
. In the era of digitalization, one should adhere to the growth of technology being used.
This
 leads to the internet being heavily used in school for educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, in the case of children.
As a result
, society might see these situations as something positive.
However
, the usage of cyberspace being made by kids should be viewed as a concerning state.
For instance
, minors are seen in
news
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the news
show examples
 that they are consuming
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
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 a large amount of time, which is not great. Evidently, there are several studies formed where they share immense rates
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
digital's
Change noun form
digital
show examples
 consumption used by children, up to 12 hours or more. It seems likely that those youngsters will have
high
Add an article
a high
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 possibility of phone addiction as the prevalence might continue to grow. Undoubtedly,
this
 is not a positive advancement as we all know how
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 could expose
misinformations
Fix the agreement mistake
misinformation
show examples
 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 prone to be digested easily,
spesifically
Correct your spelling
specifically
 by kids.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
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 incredible increases
of
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in
show examples
 digital utilization have manifold causes. Despite the many factors to grasp, the most prominent one is no other than the cyber world continuing to enhance with no proper guidance of
adult
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adults
show examples
. Owing to the fact that parents should have the obligation to direct their sons or daughters, it is quite unfortunate that the
prevalences
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prevalence
show examples
 of parental instruction is not strictly exposed.
Consequently
, youngsters consume unhealthy
amount
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amounts
show examples
 of hours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet, which can lead to harrowing possible outcomes.
To conclude
, I firmly adhere to the opinion of how
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 phone usage is extensively bad for the growth of minors.
Furthermore
, the significant cause of
this
 occasion, which is less parental guidance being there, should be addressed.
Submitted by chocomoure on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, maintain paragraph structure by having a clear introduction, body, and conclusion within each paragraph.
task achievement
To better respond to the task, it's vital to directly address both parts of the question. Discuss both why children spend hours on smartphones and whether it is a positive or negative development with equal depth. Provide specific examples and further exploration of each point to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples. General statements should be backed up with evidence or scenarios that illustrate the issue more concretely. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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