IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#inventors #society #doctors
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Unquestionably, we live in a modern age where individuals aspire to better lives. In actuality, some members of the general public think that
doctors
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 are vital to society,
while
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 others raise their voices for the superior roleplay of
inventors
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instead
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. I, myself, believe that they are equally essential and the joint efforts between these two fields are highly recommended. On the one hand,
doctors
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 are extremely crucial in
life
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 as they act as those who directly carry out the tasks using the mechanism devised by
inventors
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. Without
doctors
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, the death rate would rise unstoppably. In fact, humans always deal with many risks related to health. When the Covid – 19 broke out,
doctors
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 formed an essential part of an effective response to it on a large – scale to minimize the death toll.
On the other hand
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,
inventors
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 play an indispensable role in making
life
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 more comfortable. It's a fact that nobody can live without electronic devices in every aspect of
life
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.
Inventors
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' products are really useful in our daily lives, adults can work anywhere for urgent problem-solving.
For instance
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, students can search for multiform documents on the internet conveniently
instead
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 of going to the library. As for domestic
life
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, housewives work easily thanks to the housewares, so they will have more time for themselves. In the medical aspect, much medical equipment was invented as ambulances, ventilators or medicine, vaccines, and functional foods,.. It works with the same purpose which is to protect mankind's health. In short, we shouldn't make a clear comparison between
doctors
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 and
inventors
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 since collaborations among them, by nature, are all for humans.
Inventors
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 help humans' lives become easier
while
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doctors
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' responsibility is to protect human health. These two occupations support each other as cogs in a machine running for the sake of human beings.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position regarding the topic. In the essay, the introduction partially addresses this, but making your stance more explicit would be beneficial.
task response
Expound more on your examples to strengthen your argument. While you have provided examples such as the role of doctors during the COVID-19 pandemic and the invention of medical equipment, elaborating on these examples with more details would enhance the persuasion of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words. This will enhance the flow and readability of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on a clearer and more detailed conclusion. Restate your position more strongly and summarize your main points to leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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