students should pay their full university fees themselves Do you agree or disagree?

The education of the
students
and their fees have always been a debatable subject. There is a vast majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who believe that
students
should bear their university expenses either by doing part-time jobs or by securing scholarships funded by the government.
However
,
this
essay strongly disagrees with the argument that
students
should be burdened to finance all their educational
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
by stating logical facts backed by rational reasoning. First of all,
students
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
studies
undo a lot of academic pressure and their performance can be largely affected by
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
additional responsibility of earning.
Therefore
, they lose concentration on their
studies
which can result in poor grades.
This
can be discouraging for some
students
to the extent that they tend to take extreme steps
such
as suicide and drugs.
For Instance
, analysis of educational institution's data has revealed that one in every five
students
undergoes a large amount of stress.
Secondly
, if
students
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
focus on earning during their college life,
then
they might lose interest in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
and their entire goal becomes earning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money.
This
can lead to a huge deficiency of intellectuals, scientists and artists in the society.
Consequently
,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
in the
professionals
Correct quantifier usage
number of professionals
show examples
can cause huge
loss
Fix the agreement mistake
losses
show examples
to the economy.
For Instance
, Engineers,
doctors
Correct word choice
and doctors
show examples
demand a high level of degree and practice to serve their fields.
Decline
Add an article
The decline
A decline
show examples
in their production will
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
an increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation and
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
of medical and technical services will be jacked up.
To conclude
,
students
can work part-time to gain experience and enhance their professional network but putting all the burden of fees on them can have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact on their
studies
as well as
their health.
Therefore
, scholarships shall be furnished for the
students
which serve
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
partial fees and reduce financial pressure.
Submitted by M.zeshan5999 on

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task achievement
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that supports your position. While your main points are relevant, they could be more explicitly tied to your thesis. Also, ensure that each example is specific and directly relates to the point being made.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use a range of linking devices to better connect your ideas. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily. Also, verify that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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