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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the
population
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 four countries in Asia,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia, between 1970 and 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 their forecast of citizens
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 until 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 from five countries in Asia gradually
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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,
while
Linking Words
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
got
Verb problem
experienced
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 some fluctuation before
finally
Linking Words
went
Wrong verb form
going
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 up.
Country
Add an article
A country
The country
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 that had the highest starting point was
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 with just above 30% of
total
Add an article
the total
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population
Use synonyms
. Ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 country
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the third position with a slight fluctuation around the first 40 years.
However
Linking Words
, Thailand gradually rose without any
declined
Replace the word
decline
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for
Change preposition
by
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 more than 20% which forecasted will be in the
last
Linking Words
 rank of the total
population
Use synonyms
. Both Malaysia and Indonesia predicted will dramatically surge in 2040, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
those countries sit in the first and second position, respectively. In 1970, there was
solely
Rephrase
only
show examples
 30%
population
Use synonyms
 in Malaysia,
then
Linking Words
 will multiply more than twice in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Indonesia was in the lowest rank at the beginning with
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
a population
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 between 20 and 10 percent.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end,
this
Linking Words
 country will push the total citizens
approximately
Change preposition
to approximately
show examples
 50% .
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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