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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that school studies are not useful and most important things are learnt outside the school. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

#people #school #studies #learnt
Many believe that
school
 studies are not as useful and important as learning outside of
school
. In
this
 matter,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree that learning outside of
school
 is more essential. Based on my opinion, there are two absolute reasons for
this
.
First,
children
 should have a
lot
 of
experiences
 rather than study in
school
, and
second,
the
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of hours that
children
 spend in
school
 can cause a major problem regarding their mental health. Learning at
school
 is indeed important, yet many
experiences
 are no less important. All materials that
children
 have learned in
school
 should be implemented in real
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
 and have a
lot
 of
experiences
 of it. The
experiences
 that
children
 have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can be remarkably useful for their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the future.
For instance
,
children
 have been
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 something about physics,
then
 they have to practice
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they have learned, it could be an experiment or anything related to it.
Moreover
,
children
 who have spent a
lot
 of hours in
school
 tend to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. The pressure they get can make them easily stressed and not a few of them tried to commit suicide. Other than that, the intense competition among peers
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 the cause of the problem, and they will get overwhelmed by it. By studying outside, it can help them to reduce their stress and release it into a positive activity. To summarize,
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
 a strong advocate
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the statement that
said
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learning outside is more important.
From which
Change preposition
Which
show examples
children
 can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a
lot
 of
experiences
 and can reduce their stress by studying outside.
Submitted by fadhlannaufaall on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that state your position and summarize your arguments. It's crucial that your essay has a strong opening and a final paragraph that reinforces your main points.
logical structure
A logical structure is important in your essay. Your ideas should be arranged in a logical manner with clear paragraphs for each main point. Make sure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence and flows coherently.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples. They don't have to be overly detailed, but relevant examples help illustrate your arguments and provide clarity for the reader.
complete response
To achieve a higher band score, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Present a clear opinion and comprehensively develop your ideas to provide in-depth analysis rather than merely listing points.
clear comprehensive ideas
To improve the clarity of your ideas, focus on the precision of your language and aim to concisely articulate your thoughts. This way, your comprehensive ideas can shine through without being obscured by ambiguous or general statements.
relevant specific examples
While you have provided relevant examples, try to integrate more specific instances or data to strengthen your argument, which will help to improve the overall persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured learning
  • critical thinking
  • intellectual curiosity
  • interpersonal skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • practical knowledge
  • self-taught
  • informal learning
  • financial literacy
  • emotional intelligence
  • work experience
  • apprenticeships
  • theoretical knowledge
  • well-rounded education
What to do next:
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