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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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There are two
pie
Use synonyms
 charts provided. The first
pie
Use synonyms
 chart provides details about the
energy
Use synonyms
 usage needed by most Australian households, and the second
pie
Use synonyms
 chart illustrates the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
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emissions
Use synonyms
 produced from the
energy
Use synonyms
 usage.
Overall
Linking Words
, heating is one sector that needs the most
energy
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 heating is the sector that makes the most
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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. In decreasing order, the six main
energy
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 usages are heating,
water
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 heating, other appliances, refrigeration, lighting, and cooling.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the two largest of these are heating and
water
Use synonyms
 heating, which are about 42% and 30%, respectively. The other sectors are all worth significantly less, with other appliances at around 15% and the other three, refrigeration, lighting, and cooling are contributing less than 10%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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 are mainly produced from the
water
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 heating sector, which accounts for around 32%.
Then
Linking Words
, the next largest
emissions
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 come from other appliances, heating, and refrigeration at 28%, 15%, and 14% respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the second
pie
Use synonyms
 chart, that the sectors which produce the least
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
Use synonyms
 are lighting and cooling which are all below 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions, water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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