IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #prison #sentences #crime
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Many
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
assure
Wrong verb form
are assured
show examples
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 rendering a
punishment
Use synonyms
 of prison with more
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of time could
reducing
Change the form of the verb
reduce
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of
criminal
Change to a plural noun
criminals
show examples
. And the others thinking about several
ways
Use synonyms
 more preferable to that problems.
I'm absolutely agree
Change the verb form
I absolutely agree
show examples
 with those opinions, because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might
be had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 advantages dan disadvantages that
follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
show examples
 the statements. In reducing
risk
Add an article
the risk
show examples
 of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severely
Change the adverb
severe
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as a long period of time is one of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 good
ways
Use synonyms
 which probably makes deter the
perpetrators
Use synonyms
 and never
repeated
Wrong verb form
repeating
show examples
 their mistakes again.
This
Linking Words
 statement probably could
regulating
Change the verb form
regulate
be regulating
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. But,
others consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
another consequence
show examples
 of
enforcement
Replace the word
enforcing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 regulations is making
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
think that the government do not
enforcing
Change the verb form
enforce
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 regulations
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
perpetrators
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they are just
human which
Fix the agreement mistake
humans who
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a notes
Correct the article-noun agreement
notes
a note
show examples
 of crime even though their
punishment
Use synonyms
 is prison.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
other people
show examples
 give an opinion that many
ways
Use synonyms
 which could enforceing a
society
Use synonyms
 in applicable legal rules with a prioritizing
a regulations
Correct the article-noun agreement
regulations
a regulation
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 education and realizing
perpetrators
Use synonyms
 when they are currently in detention to making them going to better human along increasing a security of
society
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the government,
instead
Linking Words
 reducing a risky of
perpetrators
Use synonyms
 that could arise any time.
As for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the other option of decreasing
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 giving
a heavy fines
Correct the article-noun agreement
a heavy fine
heavy fines
show examples
forfor
Correct your spelling
for
perpetrators
Use synonyms
 as
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
show examples
Use synonyms
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
Adapun, opsi lain dari mengurangi angka kriminal replaced a
punishment
Use synonyms
 with prison. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think the main basic foundation of increasing mindset humans to obey the rules and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not commit criminal acts is
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
in providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
 a based education as early as possible, even in academics or parental upbringing in order to
makes
Change the verb
make
show examples
 a differentiate
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 a good and bad. So does the government, one of many
ways
Use synonyms
 to
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of
criminal
Change to a plural noun
criminals
show examples
 is prioritizing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 welfare of
society
Use synonyms
 and common interests.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
The essay touches on the topic but lacks a clear structure. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea and an explanation that develops that idea.
coherence cohesion
Ideas need to be more developed with relevant examples and deeper analysis. Sentences should be more complex and varied in structure.
task achievement
The introduction does not clearly introduce the topic or outline the structure of the essay. An effective introduction should set the topic and clearly state the writer's position.
task achievement
The conclusion should summarize the main points of the essay and clearly restate the writer's opinion. It should not introduce new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and accuracy. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence has one clear idea.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your writing more persuasive and engaging.
task achievement
Make sure to address both views mentioned in the prompt equally before giving your opinion. This shows a complete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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