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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about rail transport in four contries in 2007.

The table below gives information about rail transport in four contries in 2007.
#information #rail #transport #four #contries
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The presented table shows the data
of
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on
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 transportation by train in Malaysia,
Canada
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,
China
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, and UAE in 2007. Generally, the figure highlights that among other countries, the railway transportation in
Canada
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 brought more cargos than passengers, which aligns with the country having had the fewest
citizen
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citizens
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 with
train
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trains
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 for their choice of commute.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
according to
Linking Words
 the amount of
citizen
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citizens
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 that used trains as their choice of travel,
Canada
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 had the least number.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
China
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 held the first place with the most folks travelling by train compared to the other countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can be noticed that there was a significant gap between the bottommost country,
Canada
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, and
China
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 as the leading one. For that reason,
Canada
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also
Linking Words
 had the fewest amount of passenger kilometres per head of population,
whereas
Linking Words
China
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 maintained its peak position.
Although
Linking Words
China
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 has always had the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
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 statistics compared to
Canada
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, it was reversed when it comes to the figure of cargos carried by trains.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with the previous categories,
Canada
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 carried more
cargos
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cargo
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 than
China
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.
However
Linking Words
, the difference between the numbers is not as notable as the prior categories.
Submitted by nadiamanda.salsabilla on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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