The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects.
Nowadays, the issue of being overweight has become a significant disease in our current days, especially in children in Western society. In
this
essay, I will talk about the main causes of this
problem concerning bad habits and decreased mobility which lead to this
serious situation. I will also
discuss the effects which lead to low-quality efficiency and poor health.
Convincing arguments can be made regarding the causes of this
problem. I believe that there are two main reasons for this
, Diet and exercise. In our present time, the quality of food is not similar to the old one. For example
, instead
of having a simple dish like steamed rice with fresh grilled meat in the past, it is replaced with fast food such
as Mac and KFC. As for activity, several different types of commutes have been used such
as cars, buses and trains, which have decreased the chances of children walking to school and other locations. Also
,
people are providing chocolates and sweets to their own children instead
of good quality food at a younger age.
Our society has been affected by this
issue in many ways. firstly
, junk foods contain an enormous amount of complex chemical structures and fats, which would damage human cells so easily. For instance
, research has found that having approximately, 1 to 2 unhealthy meals a day might increase the chance of having heart disease and mental health problems. secondly
, when individuals are used to these bad habits, their DNA might be affected as the next generations would have worse cognition and body shape form.
In conclusion, Obesity is determined as a dangerous situation in modern times. As a matter of fact, parents must set plans to avoid the main causes and prevent the effects which lead to the above-mentioned consequences and stop its progression.Submitted by khaleefalkhalaf on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of the essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed logically. Avoid abrupt transitions and connect your ideas smoothly, using a range of linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher introduction and conclusion score, enhance the opening by stating the essay purpose clearly and outline the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should effectively summarize the points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Dive deeper into each cause and effect to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To fully complete the task, directly address all parts of the prompt, including discussion of causes and effects. Provide a balanced treatment of both, with a clear connection to the topic of overweight children in western society.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on ideas to be more comprehensive by explaining how they directly relate to the increase in children's weight in western societies. This can be done by incorporating more research findings, statistics, or case studies.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support each point made in the essay. These can take the form of data, research studies, or anecdotal evidence that directly correlate to the increases in childhood obesity in the west.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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