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Band 2

Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#power #energy #technology
The pie chart shows information on
car
 and
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 use in
Edmonton
.
Overall
,
Car
 and Light Rail Transit are overweight both Bus and Taxi. A great percentage of people prefer to use their
car
 to commute to work rather than shopping and leisure activities.
Car
 at 45% was noticeably popular among the citizens in
Edmonton
.
Nevertheless
, Light Rail Transit at 35% was considered favour among a great number of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in
Edmonton
 too,
although
 not significantly. Bus and Taxi were the least popular
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 the inhabitants of
Edmonton
. In
comparisons
Fix the agreement mistake
comparison
show examples
, these two features were only one
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
 size of both
Car
 and LRT. In spite of that, the
paercentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
 of not only Bus but
also
 Taxi
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 at 10%.
In addition
, the highest percentage of people were using
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 to commute to work. In spite of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 a very small amount of citizens were using
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 shopping and leisure activities. From my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, the percentages of taking
hrildren
Correct your spelling
children
 to school and business were
witnessly
Correct your spelling
witness
witnessed
witnessing
 close
roughly
Change preposition
to roughly
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40% to 45%.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully understand and address the IELTS task prompt; the essay provided seems to be off-topic and does not address the given prompt regarding nuclear power, leading to a low score in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop a clear and appropriate structure for your essay: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay should logically organize the argument or discussion in a way that's easy to follow for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support main points with examples or explanations. While some attempts at describing the data are present, there are no clear examples or detailed explanations to support the points made regarding car and transport use.
Language proficiency
Be careful with spelling, punctuation, and grammatical structures to maintain academic writing standards and ensure your writing is easily understandable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively, each with a clear main idea and all subsequent sentences linked to this main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Connect your ideas with appropriate cohesive devices (linking words), but be sure not to overuse them or use them incorrectly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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