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Band 3.5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and many others are on the endangered list. What are the causes for animals becoming extinct? What solutions are there to this problem?

#animals #verge #extinction #list
According to
 some researchers, the rate of wild
animals
 being listed as an endangered species is going wild.
This
 phenomenon results in the extinction of an enormous number of
animals
. In
this
 essay, I will figure out several causes of it and give out some available solutions. It has become increasingly common for people to find it entertaining to hunt the poor
animals
, especially with the wealthy people. They are willing to spend their money on buying hunting
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to illegally hunt wild
animals
.
Moreover
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people think it will be a luxury if they own crocodile skins, bear heads or something. Not only illegal hunting,
humans
Correct word choice
but humans
show examples
 are
damaged
Wrong verb form
damaging
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild animal habitats by cutting down on trees, depleting forests, dumping
waters
Fix the agreement mistake
water
show examples
 into their places, etc. To deal with
this
 phenomenon, there are numerous solutions we can provide. Laws should strictly be made by the governments.
Also
, we should concentrate on raising their awareness by spreading leaflets, posters, and
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
 on the internet. In summary, wild
animals
 are on the verge of
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct because of the terrible activities that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Replace the word
beings
show examples
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
show examples
. In my perspective, we should join hands to protect them as soon as possible.
Submitted by ASDFGHJKLESSON on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, consider creating more detailed and distinct paragraphs that delve into causes and solutions separately, providing a clear progression of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved by refining the thesis statement and summarizing the main points more effectively at the end.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more substantial examples or evidence. Consider using specific case studies or statistics to illustrate the issues and solutions you mention.
Task Achievement
For a more complete response, develop your ideas further. Each paragraph should explore a unique aspect of the problem or a different solution in detail. This will show a more thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Aim to produce clearer and more comprehensive ideas by elaborating on each point you raise. Explain the 'why' and 'how' more thoroughly to give your ideas depth.
Task Achievement
Providing relevant and specific examples will help to strengthen your argument. These could include particular instances where laws have helped protect animals or where specific conservation efforts have been successful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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