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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Because of the rapid development of technology, it has been becoming easier for people to work from home. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of working from home

#development #technology #people #work #home
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Due to
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 ,the speed of improvement of
technology
Use synonyms
 employer can work from their own place which would have some merits and demerits which I intend to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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throughout
this
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 essay. In the realm of society
people
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 need to be in touch with each other ;
otherwise
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 ,should become depressed by staying at home and life will lose its attraction for them .To clarify ,elderly
people
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 who are retired after a
while
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 and
be
Wrong verb form
are
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 regularly at home may
catch
Verb problem
feel
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 a sense of being useless,in fact, it is an important need of humans to be in touch with other
people
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 so in
this
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 situation
people
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 should plan for some extra program ,like going out with a friend. In general, using
technology
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 in a way that makes
people
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 stay apart from each other may have some significant consequences.
On the other hand
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 ,it is crystal clear that the use of
technology
Use synonyms
 and working correspondingly have their own merits ,
such
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 as having extra time for doing their work,to shed light on that, by being at home a person can do their house chores
as well as
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 doing the company job.
Consequently
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, in
this
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 way, the owner of
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
 can manage and decrease its
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
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 astronomically and still have its own benefits.
As a result
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, the plus sides of
technology
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 are more than the minus sides.
For example
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,
people
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 can have
some place
Correct your spelling
someplace
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 to keep in touch with others
while
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 companies can not find an alternative to decrease the expenses in
this
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 volume.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, aim to clearly introduce your topic with a direct statement of purpose. Use clear and concise topic sentences for each paragraph, ensuring they connect well to your thesis statement. This will guide your reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Include a distinct introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. Your introduction should clearly state the key points you plan to discuss, and your conclusion should summarize your arguments and state your final stance, giving the reader a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. This makes your essay more convincing and engaging. Avoid general statements and aim to demonstrate each advantage or disadvantage with a clear example or piece of evidence.
task achievement
Fully answer the essay question by addressing both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. Ensure you make clear points and expand on these with explanations or examples. While you may lean towards one viewpoint, the comparison should be comprehensive.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by using simple, direct language and fully developing each point. Break complex ideas into multiple sentences if necessary to maintain clarity. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Inclusion of relevant, specific examples will bolster your arguments. Make use of real-world situations, statistical data, or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the topic of working from home vs. working in a traditional office environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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