IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children l's leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #l #leisure #activities #waste #time
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Nowadays, education has become a trend or business. Some residents believe that children must do educational activities in their leisure
time
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 if they spend their free era on
other exercise
Change the wording
another exercise
other exercises
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 they should waste their
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
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. There are some effects and opinions which will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, for several decades learning become a headache for learners because their parents, society or school teach them to compete with other students. In that case, children should not enjoy the study they always do better than others and they can't learn anything from the deepest side of their hearts.
Additionally
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, the offspring don't have enough era to do extra enterprise because the burden of their study is too much.
Although
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, the institutions don't have a reading system they are using a cramming system which is not good for society or their future.
Secondly
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, some public believe that the offsprings should spend their leisure
time
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 in educational action or if they will not spend their free
time
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 in study. So, it will be a waste of
time
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. I totally disagree with that because they have already a lot of pressure about their studies. They should spend their leisure
time
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 in cocurricular activities like playing games, watching movies or doing some art.
For Instance
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, they always do educational work. They may depressed, their anxiety level should be high or there are a lot of causes to disturb their mental health. In conclusion, children should take easy to information because improvement is fun not a burden. The schools should use a reading system. Meanwhile, the learners should do extra activities to maintain their health. I believe that
this
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 thing helps them in their health or studies.
Submitted by shaheryarahmedat on

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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic, but the response is sometimes difficult to follow due to a lack of clear structure. Work on organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that outlines your position on the statement. The introduction should accurately paraphrase the question and present your opinion, while the conclusion should summarize the points made throughout the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on supporting the main points with relevant details or examples. Improve clarity by expanding your ideas and making sure each paragraph has one clear central point that is developed with explanations or examples.
task achievement
Make sure the essay fully addresses the task, giving a balanced discussion of both views followed by a personal conclusion. Provide clear opinions and support them with specific reasons and examples that demonstrate understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Strive to express ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that you elaborate on each point to demonstrate your own understanding of the subject matter. Work on clarity by simplifying complex sentences and ensuring each sentence contributes to the overall point.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples that clearly relate to the topic to support your arguments. Make sure these examples are detailed and directly connected to the points you're trying to make in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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