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Band 4.5

ome people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#ome #people #school #children #homework #teachers #role #education
The youth of every nation is its valuable resource. The
resposibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
, progress and innovation lies on their shoulders. They can make or mar the society.
Although
 it is believed by major strata of society that
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system should not be given
homework
 by their teachers, on the other side some people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
homework
 plays an important role in the education of children.
This
 essay intends to analyse both viewpoints,
i
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
the
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on the
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 thought.
To begin
 with,
one
 of
paramount
Add an article
the paramount
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 behind some people thinking
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 not be given
homework
 by their faculty could be because of workload. These days life is so busy youth are not getting
time
 they have lots of other
co curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 to do like yoga classes, dance classes, creative writing and many more. Because of these
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are not able to manage
time
 and because of incomplete
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
 they
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
 which is very common nowadays.
For example
,
one
 of my
neighbour
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neighbours
show examples
commit
Wrong verb form
committed
show examples
 suicide because of
time
 management he is not able to accomplish his
homework
 on
time
.
Therefore
, workload is
one
 of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why
homework
 should not given by their teachers.
On the other hand
, few people
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
homework
 plays an important role in the education of children because of
this
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will learn how to
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
time
 in life as they are
valuable
Add an article
a valuable
show examples
 resource of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 they should know about
time
 management.
For instance
, in India
one
 of the
tough
Correct word choice
toughest
show examples
exam
Change to a plural noun
exams
show examples
 is UPSC and it is all about
time
 management,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
 should complete
answer
Correct article usage
an answer
show examples
 of 250 words within 9 minutes.
Secondly
 by
this
 children will
also
 not
distract
Wrong verb form
be distracted
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 things like social networking and so on. These days these things are very common.
Hence
, by
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they can learn
time
mangement
Correct your spelling
management
 and they will not distract
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 other things.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusin
Correct your spelling
conclude
conclusion
, many persons
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 because of workload
homework
 should not
assign
Wrong verb form
be assigned
show examples
 by faculty and other believes by giving home assignments youth will learn
time
mangement
Correct your spelling
management
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not
distract
Wrong verb form
be distracted
show examples
.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement clearly. In the body, aim for clear and distinct paragraphs for each main point, with appropriate topic sentences. In the conclusion, summarise your arguments and restate your opinion without introducing new information.
examples
Provide more developed examples and evidence to support your main points. Each body paragraph should have at least one specific example that backs up your argument. Avoid vague references, and instead, give the reader concrete details to better understand your position.
cohesion
Work on your essay's coherence by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use connectors and transition words to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
task response
For task achievement, focus on fully responding to all parts of the prompt. Address both views and give your own opinion with clarity. Elaborate on your ideas to showcase depth and complexity of thought.
language
Pay attention to grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. Use a variety of sentence structures to show your linguistic range, and check your writing for grammatical accuracy and spelling. Rich and precise vocabulary can also enhance your score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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