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Band 4.5

Some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while others say that they should think more realistically about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #people #career #future
Some
people
 believe that young
people
 should choose and follow the
career
 that
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want,
although
 others are of the opinion that they have to think wisely about their future.
This
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 and provide my personal opinion in detail. On the one
hand
, choosing a
career
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children has many benefits. First and foremost, if they
decided
Add the particle
decided to
show examples
 pursue
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
career
, they would
be succeed
Change the verb form
succeed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that field, because they never give up, and they want to achieve their goal
emmidiately
Correct your spelling
immediately
. Another reason
needs
Correct pronoun usage
that needs
show examples
 to be considered is their passion and they might
keen
Add a missing verb
be keen
show examples
 on doing something so they make a huge effort to gain that as soon as possible.
For example
, if young
people
 are not allowed to work in their lovely
career
, they might not work in another field.
On the other
hand
, a group of
people
 are against the above-mentioned view. Some factors involved that why not to
choos
Correct your spelling
choose
 a
career
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. Some parents are worried about their children's life.
Moreover
, they want to intervene and have a role in their choosing. May they are not mature
that much
Rephrase
enough
show examples
 to decide alone. Some
people
 guess that just some specific job could be practical,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 doctors and computer
engeeniering
Correct your spelling
engineering
. So they do not want to allow their children to decide. . In conclusion, in my opinion, teachers and parents have to go
hand
 in
hand
 to help them and give advice to young
people
however
 we have not to force them to do something
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is not only unnecessary but
also
 detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their future lives.
Submitted by hastytajassosy on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words and transition phrases to clearly connect ideas.
Task Achievement
Offer a clear position or opinion in the introduction and restate this in the conclusion to maintain a consistent response throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Support main points with clear, relevant and specific examples that illustrate your arguments and provide evidence for your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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