Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

In these present days, both genders splurge their money on aesthetic treatment, which is quite contrary to the past time.
This
circumstance becomes common as everyone has a right to take self-care, resulting in a new prospective business and
industry
. Getting
beauty
treatment is becoming one of the ways for people to love themselves these days and both sexes are allowed to feel pretty. They often feel contented and relaxed after receiving some treatments at the dermatologist or aesthetic centre. When they are satisfied with the service and result, they are often to purchase other care packages.
For instance
, people who buy
skincare
products
and find them suitable for their skin tend to repurchase those
products
. With the increasing number of people who become more aware of their condition, the
beauty
industry
has significantly increased in these past decades.
As a result
,
this
industry
is not luxurious anymore, yet it is becoming more affordable and accessible for everyone. In some parts of the world, using
skincare
products
or having treatments in a
beauty
centre has become an essential thing.
For example
, citizens of South Korea have started using basic
skincare
,
such
as toner and sunscreen, at an early age;
besides
that, plastic surgery is a common thing there.
Therefore
, South Korea is one of the
pioneer
Change to a plural noun
pioneers
show examples
of
skincare
Add an article
the skincare
show examples
industry
. In conclusion, men and women have the same right to feel pretty and to take care of their
beauty
, including experiencing aesthetic treatment.
As a consequence
, business in the field of
beauty
centres and
beauty
products
is becoming increasingly massive these days.
Submitted by usedtobesomeoneyoulove on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Linking words and phrases can also help maintain the flow from one idea to another. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the key points discussed while linking back to the question asked.
task achievement
For task achievement, expand your discussion to more fully address the root causes of the behavior observed. Consider historical, social, and economic aspects in more depth. Also, be sure to directly answer the question by discussing the possible results in more detail. Use a wider range of relevant specific examples to illustrate and support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • media influence
  • idealized beauty standards
  • disposable income
  • economic prosperity
  • technological advancements
  • beauty products and services
  • cultural shifts
  • social contexts
  • personal health and wellness
  • self-care routines
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!