Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

#men #women #money #beauty #care #was #root #behaviour #results

In these present days, both genders splurge their money on aesthetic treatment, which is quite contrary to the past time.

This

circumstance becomes common as everyone has a right to take self-care, resulting in a new prospective business and

industry

. Getting

beauty

treatment is becoming one of the ways for people to love themselves these days and both sexes are allowed to feel pretty. They often feel contented and relaxed after receiving some treatments at the dermatologist or aesthetic centre. When they are satisfied with the service and result, they are often to purchase other care packages.

For instance

, people who buy

skincare

products

and find them suitable for their skin tend to repurchase those

products

. With the increasing number of people who become more aware of their condition, the

beauty

industry

has significantly increased in these past decades.

As a result

this

industry

is not luxurious anymore, yet it is becoming more affordable and accessible for everyone. In some parts of the world, using

skincare

products

or having treatments in a

beauty

centre has become an essential thing.

For example

, citizens of South Korea have started using basic

skincare

such

as toner and sunscreen, at an early age;

besides

that, plastic surgery is a common thing there.

Therefore

, South Korea is one of the

pioneer

Change to a plural noun

pioneers

show examples

skincare

Add an article

the skincare

show examples

industry

. In conclusion, men and women have the same right to feel pretty and to take care of their

beauty

, including experiencing aesthetic treatment.

As a consequence

, business in the field of

beauty

centres and

beauty

products

is becoming increasingly massive these days.

Submitted by usedtobesomeoneyoulove on Sun Feb 11 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Linking words and phrases can also help maintain the flow from one idea to another. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the key points discussed while linking back to the question asked.

task achievement

For task achievement, expand your discussion to more fully address the root causes of the behavior observed. Consider historical, social, and economic aspects in more depth. Also, be sure to directly answer the question by discussing the possible results in more detail. Use a wider range of relevant specific examples to illustrate and support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Fully explain your ideas

In many parts of the world, people rely on private cars for transportation. In what ways does reliance on private cars affect the way we live? Do the effects tend to be positive or negative?

Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

Air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution, and airport construction. Some people say that government should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more heavily. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, using the internet in schools is getting more popular. In this a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?