IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Do you agree that mindfulness practices should be integrated into educational curriculum?

Mindfulness
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practices
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 have become an integral part of the rising debate in the present world.
While
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 proponents of the argument are in favour,
however
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, the opponents are completely against the relevance of the integration of
mindfulness
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practices
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 into
educational
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the educational
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 curriculum. In my opinion,
integration
Correct article usage
the integration
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 of
mindfulness
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practices
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 into educational
curriculum
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curricula
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 has more positive impacts than negative
around
Correct pronoun usage
ones around
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 the globe. To commence with, there are a number of arguments in favour of my belief. The most prominent one is that
the
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apply
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mindfulness
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practices
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makes
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make
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 students smarter.
According to
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 the research conducted by Western Sydney University, after
mindfulness
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practices
Add a comma
practices,
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 all students scored full marks in the test.
Secondly
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,
mindfulness
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practices
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 can benefit
overall
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 health.
On the other hand
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, critics may point out that one of the most significant disadvantages of the integration of
mindfulness
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practices
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 into educational curriculum is that
mindfulness
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practices
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does
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do
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 not provide instant benefits.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in the United States reveals that it takes a few months to see the benefits of
mindfulness
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practices
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.
To conclude
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, even when there are a lot of demerits associated with
mindfulness
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practices
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. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and
mindfulness
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practices
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 have become a crucial part of our
life
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lives
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.
Therefore
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,
efficient
Correct article usage
the efficient
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 use of
mindfulness
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practices
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 should be promoted,
however
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, its misuse should be condemned.

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Task Achievement
Strive to offer a clearer and a more nuanced introduction that presents a direct stance on the topic. Consider utilizing a thesis statement that definitively states your view and briefly outlines the points you will cover.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing studies, providing statistics, or using hypothetical examples that clearly demonstrate the benefits and drawbacks of mindfulness in education.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea you will discuss. This helps the reader understand the central focus of each paragraph from the outset.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to demonstrate the relationships between ideas more clearly. This enhances the flow of your essay and helps connect points within and across paragraphs more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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