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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people claim that it is justifiable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is unethical. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#people #animals #research #benefit #beings #minutes
Debates
whether
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about whether
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 it is justifiable to use
animals
 in medical
research
has
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have
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been around for many years, yet still
hasn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
haven't
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came
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come
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 up with any mutual agreement.
Animals
has
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have
show examples
 been a subject
for
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of
show examples
medical
research
 for many centuries. With the establishment of human rights
law
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laws
show examples
 across the world, it's getting more difficult to justify
human- based
Correct your spelling
human-based
show examples
research
 as it contradicts the principle of human rights. Concern regarding
fragility
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the fragility
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 of
human based
Add a hyphen
human-based
show examples
research
 is the main reason since
human based
Add a hyphen
human-based
show examples
research
 is still considered
as
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apply
show examples
a
life- threatening
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
show examples
 method to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there is no
such
 thing as 'animal rights' established and
acknowledge
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acknowledged
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 globalize yet. There are several
animals
,
such
 as mammals, share the typical body
characteristic
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characteristics
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as
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of
show examples
human
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humans
show examples
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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. These
animals
 often be used as the experiment subject in medical
research
, even if the main purpose of the experiment product is for
human
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humans
show examples
 in the end. Given
this
 condition, many
scientist
Change to a plural noun
scientists
show examples
 around the world would rather choose
animals
 for their
research
 subjects.
However
, there are several opposing
opinion
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opinions
show examples
 that
human
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humans
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 being unjust towards
animal
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animals
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 on
this
 matter, generally spoken up by animal
activist
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activists
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 or
organization
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organizations
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such
 as PETA. Given the practicality of
animal- based
Correct your spelling
animal-based
show examples
research
, I personally agree with
this
 method. Using
animals
 in medical
research
 is considerably more practical. No
such
 consent written under certain paperwork
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
, even no compensation
given
Add a missing verb
is given
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too
Rephrase
apply
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. Utilizing
animals
 is relatively more affordable for scientific purpose
experiment
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experiments
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,
hence
, making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific
research
 more agile.
However
, I agree that
animals
 should be treated equally
like
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to
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 other living creatures on
this
 earth. They don't deserve to get tortured during the
research
. To continue
this
 practice, it must be ensured that any scientific activities involving
animals
 are
cruelty free
Add a hyphen
cruelty-free
show examples
. In some cases in the past, there
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been moments when
animals
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 tortured, to some extent,
Correct word choice
and are
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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massacred, for
this
 scientific purpose. That's why it is highly important to set
framework
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the framework
a framework
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 to execute
this
 scientific practice involving
animals
 to prevent
this
 to
happened
Change the form of the verb
happen
show examples
 once more. To safely guard
this
 policy, it needs to be governed and governed by
entity
Add an article
an entity
the entity
show examples
 that deals with animal protection activism.
Submitted by nicolasbungaran on

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Introduction and conclusion
It is important to ensure you provide a clear introduction with an overview of the topics that will be discussed, and a brief statement of your opinion. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of the essay and restate your position.
Supporting examples
Your essay lacks specific examples to support your arguments. Incorporate relevant examples from real-life situations, scientific research, or studies to reinforce your points and to meet the task requirements more effectively.
Logical structure
The structure of your essay could be improved by organizing your ideas more logically, with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples that support the main idea. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your text.
Clear and comprehensive ideas
While you have covered the task sufficiently by discussing both views and giving your opinion, there is substantial room for improvement. Provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic by clearly explaining why people hold these views and expanding on your own opinion with more detailed reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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