Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

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Shopping is considered to be one of the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
pastimes for the younger generation at present times.
This
has increased post-COVID, as schools and colleges started online classes. There are various reasons and explanations for
this
topic.
This
essay will discuss them and different ways to include themselves in other
activities
. Online and offline shopping has become a trend and it is because of various products introduced in the market. Social media is one of the reasons behind
this
as influencers are targeting
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation towards fancy products.
For Instance
, recently in Canada 12-year-old child spent 900$ on skincare and made a haul video to get likes on Instagram. Shopping is a kind of therapy for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people to
relive
Correct your spelling
relieve
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work pressure. Parents play a vital role in
children
's lives and they have to guide them as friends and encourage them in other
activities
.
This
is the right time and age they can grasp information quickly
instead
of offering credit cards to do shopping.
For Instance
, In India, a couple taught their child about digital marketing as it involves online shopping as well.
This
way parents should divert
children
's minds from shopping. Shopping has become an addiction and
children
tend to buy products that are not useful to them. In my opinion, young
children
must be included in other
activities
such
as sports and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
activities
based on their interests.
Submitted by sunj on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure the essay has clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Additionally, transitions between paragraphs could be enhanced to provide better flow.
coherence cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened. The introduction should more clearly outline the points to be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize the main arguments of the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, they could be developed further. Ensure each paragraph elaborates on the main idea with more detailed explanations, arguments, or examples.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, make sure to address all parts of the question consistently throughout the essay. Discuss both why shopping is popular among young people and whether they should be encouraged to partake in other activities.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but to achieve greater clarity and comprehensiveness, expand on these ideas by explaining why they are important and how they relate to the prompt.
task achievement
You used some relevant examples, but aim to include more specific, detailed, illustrative examples to support each key point you make.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pastime
  • encouraged
  • useful activities
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • sense of accomplishment
  • satisfaction
  • social interaction
  • bonding
  • escaping
  • daily routine
  • stress
  • instant gratification
  • pleasure
  • keeping up
  • trends
  • fashion
  • exploring
  • products
  • experiences
  • boosting
  • self-confidence
  • supporting
  • local businesses
  • economy
  • discovering
  • personal style
  • preferences
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