In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is positive or negative situation?

Buying a
house
instead
of renting
one
is more vital for
people
in some countries.
People
do not want to rent a living
place
because they do not want to pay rent longer period nor they do not need to move any time when their
landlord
requests them to leave the
house
. I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is a positive notion. On the
one
hand,
people
usually do not want to pay the
landlord
or the owner of the
house
long time. Despite of they never pay late, it is always a chance to be pushed by the owner to make them leave the
place
after the contract finishes which makes them uncomfortable. There are some banks where
people
can loan a large amount of money when they want to buy a
house
.
Furthermore
, the government convince
people
to buy a
house
with a loan. So, they will not need to leave the
place
unless they do not pay the loan.
This
makes
people
feel comfortable because they do not need to move at any time.
In addition
, they can get a
house
the way paying money monthly to the banks or the government not to the
landlord
.
On the other hand
, human beings often want to stay in
one
place
without relying on someone
such
as their
landlord
or the owner of the
house
. The reason they want
this
is not just because they can stay in
one
place
longer, but because it makes them happier.
Additionally
, they can have better relationships with their neighbours in years.
According to
The Commbank reports, the reports says that getting a
house
is
dream
Add an article
the dream
a dream
show examples
of %90 of
people
in Australia. They believe that, when dreams come true for them, they have a comfortable life with a strong company with their neighbour which I fully agree with . In conclusion,
due to
increasing rent and having uncomfortable situations when
people
need to move somewhere,
people
think buying a
house
is more logical than renting a
place
. In
this
way,
people
feel more comfortable, because they can stay longer in their own
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
by making
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with other
people
who live nearby.
Submitted by matillazeyrek on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your essay. This includes words and phrases like 'firstly,' 'moreover,' 'however,' and 'in conclusion.'
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task, but do ensure that your response fully answers all parts of the question. While you discuss why owning a home might be important, you could expand your explanation of the positive or negative aspects of this situation.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points further with clear and specific examples. Instead of general statements, use illustrative examples from real-life or hypothetical scenarios that reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Structurally, your essay could benefit from a more distinct separation of ideas. Avoid blending multiple ideas within the same sentence or paragraph unless they are closely connected.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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