IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Art is a skill and a talent and so it should not be taught at universities. Do you agree or disagree?

#art #skill #talent #universities
Well-known painters
such
 as Picasso and Leonardo Da Vinci
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 the same commonality, both of them learning art by themselves and not from formal education.
Therefore
, high-level education institutions are not supposed to teach art
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their class because it is an inherent human ability.
This
 essay agrees with that statement because there is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 important
skill
 that needs to be
taugh
Correct your spelling
taught
tough
 at colleges.
Industrial
Correct article usage
The industrial
show examples
revolution
Capitalize word
Revolution
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 The UK in the 18th century
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 ignited by the invention of
steam
Add an article
the steam
show examples
 engine by James Watt.
Steam
Add an article
The steam
A steam
show examples
 engine is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 complex machine, thereforeJ ames Watt spent more than a decade at the University of Glasgow
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
 mechanical engineering to build it.
This
 example
is proves
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
 that
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in engineering
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more important and should be taught at the university because
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these skills
show examples
skill
 could revolutionize our society. Financial management is
also
 important to teach at
high-level
Correct word choice
a high
show examples
 education because you cannot simply learn it by yourself.
This
skill
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 necessary
skill
 to master because nowadays many people are spent their money
carelessy
Correct your spelling
carelessly
.
For instance
, many people in Indonesia have so much debt because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of money buying fancy things.
Therefore
, financial management should taught at the college level to prevent
this
.
To conclude
, engineering and financial management are the
skillset
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
 that every
universities
Change to a singular noun
university
show examples
 should teach because they are more important compared to the arts.
Submitted by rahmanparentio on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your position on it. The essay should respond directly to the question by acknowledging the argument that art should or should not be taught at universities due to it being a skill and talent. Be sure to include a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
Develop your main body paragraphs with clear topic sentences that relate directly to your thesis. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Provide clear reasons or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create clearer connections between your ideas. This helps the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarise the main points and restate your position clearly, ensuring it aligns with the arguments you've made throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: