IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is a better way to leave their own country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think that staying in their own country is better choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world , everyone
driven
Add a missing verb
is driven
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 lifestyle . Some
people
Use synonyms
 state that moving abroad gives them more
opportunities
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 work and
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 , others believe that there is no need to move somewhere else to make their
life
Use synonyms
 better . I will discuss both views in
this
Linking Words
 essay and give my opinion in the end.
Primarly
Correct your spelling
Primarily
, there is no doubt that moving to another
country
Use synonyms
 provides
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 salary even with
less qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer qualifications
show examples
 and makes
life
Use synonyms
 better.
For instance
Linking Words
 , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
farmers from
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 to
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 because of better pay
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 and
provide
Fix the infinitive
to provide
show examples
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 without any high
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 good
raise
Fix the agreement mistake
raises
show examples
 and afford
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 by providing
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support to family.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 proves that moving to another nation
also
Linking Words
 comes with good
opportunities
Use synonyms
 .
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 side of folks
also
Linking Words
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 could
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 better
life
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
Use synonyms
 with good
opportunities
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in their own
country
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the golden opportunity to utilize the
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support from their parents and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 strong references from their
realitives
Correct your spelling
relatives
 or friends which help them to find
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 direction towards their career and make it easy for them .
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
instead
Linking Words
 of finding
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in
strange
Add an article
a strange
show examples
 world ,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 best for
people
Use synonyms
 to find better jobs here which improve their lifestyle. In conclusion ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that if
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 the sources and references and
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
into
Correct pronoun usage
them into
show examples
 real
life
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 you do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 need to move to another
country
Use synonyms
 to make your
life
Use synonyms
 better .
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 recommend
people
Use synonyms
 have the privilege of knowledge about the place they
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 and
connections
Correct article usage
the connections
show examples
 they have which help in their job
as well as
Linking Words
 in their lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Develop your main points further with more specific examples and reasoning. This will help make the ideas clearer and the arguments more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas by using a range of cohesive devices effectively.
Language
Proofread to avoid grammatical errors and improve the accuracy of the language used throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emigrate
  • expatriate
  • cultural assimilation
  • economic prospects
  • nostalgia
  • sense of belonging
  • diaspora
  • uproot
  • global mobility
  • skilled migration
  • patriotism
  • brain drain
  • work-life balance
  • job market
  • cultural heritage
  • cost of living
  • standard of living
  • national identity
  • social support networks
  • professional development
  • multiculturalism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: