IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Countries around the world require more and more energy every year for domestic and industrial use. What are the causes of this excessive energy consumption, and how does it affect the environment?

#countries #world #energy #year #consumption #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an increasing consumption of
energy
Use synonyms
 every year in nations all over the
world
Use synonyms
 for domestic and industrial
use
Use synonyms
. The main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem are the growing population and the revolution in industries.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to several problems regarding the environment,
for instance
Linking Words
, the destruction of nature and the never-ending pollution. Nowadays, people all over the
world
Use synonyms
 have reached roughly 8 billion.
This
Linking Words
 great number requires countries around the
world
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
energy
Use synonyms
 in a great amount for the well-being of all people.
This
Linking Words
 unavoidable situation is hard to control.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced
world
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries have played a major role and grown significantly. They tend to
use
Use synonyms
 a lot of
energy
Use synonyms
 in order to run the operation and make a lot of profit from it. A concrete example of
this
Linking Words
 is the mining industry, where they take the
energy
Use synonyms
 without any doubt and sell it to the market at a very high price. All the problems that have been mentioned above are truly impacting the environment. The destruction of forests all over the
world
Use synonyms
 is really happening nowadays.
The deforestation
Correct article usage
Deforestation
show examples
 is leading to the loss of habitats for a variety of species in the
world
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as orangutans and Sumatran tigers. Other than that, excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 can cause massive pollution in either water, air, or even land.
This
Linking Words
 is very dangerous for the sustainability of the earth. There will be a possibility that
energy
Use synonyms
 can't be used in the future
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 excessive usage. To summarize, the overuse of
energy
Use synonyms
 that happens year after year in countries around the
world
Use synonyms
 is caused by the growth of population and industrialization.
This
Linking Words
 problem leads to natural damage and a high level of pollution.
Submitted by fadhlannaufaall on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Look to expand your essay by including clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader on the specific aspect you will be addressing. This will greatly enhance the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear. Your conclusion does well to summarize your points, but your introduction could provide a clearer outline of the essay content that follows.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and data where possible. Rather than just stating that industries consume energy to make a profit, explain how certain practices in these industries lead to excessive energy use and its direct effects on the environment.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. It's important to not only discuss causes but also to delve deeper into the effects on the environment and possibly offer solutions.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas to be more comprehensive. For instance, discuss the impacts of technological advancements on energy consumption and the potential role renewable energy could play in mitigating environmental effects.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive energy consumption
  • industrial growth
  • economic development
  • higher living standards
  • electronic gadgets
  • appliances
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • transportation networks
  • energy-intensive
  • deforestation
  • land use changes
  • natural systems
  • artificial climate control
  • manufacturing
  • housing
  • daily life activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: