IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

pick out the information that is relevant to our structure. See the model answer of a bar chart below.

#information #structure #model #bar
The above bar graph shows information about various products consumed among the range of different
age
 groups as a
calorie
source
 in UK males. As per the bar graph, there are four main categories of products: dairy, meat, pulses, and vegetables for the
calorie
source
. A dairy product is a type of
calorie
source
that is
 taken majorly between
ages
 0 - 24;
on the contrary
, the
percentage
 of
intake
 of dairy products is gradually declining in
ages
 24-49 and over 50.
On the other hand
, the image shows a sharp increase in the
percentage
 of pulse
intake
. The
percentage
 of pulse
intake
 in males is approximately 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
ages
 25–47, and the
percentage
 of
intake
 is more than 60% in the group over 50. The
percentage
 of meat
intake
 as calories is 50% in
ages
 25–49 and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
age
 groups.
Vegitables
Correct your spelling
Vegetables
 seem to be a very unpopular
calorie
source
, whose
percentage
 gradually declines from 20% to 10% as the
age
 group increases. In conclusion, no other
calorie
intake
source
 is as high as pulses
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
among all
age
 groups.
Submitted by khatrisumeet400 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should include a summary of the graph's key information. Use connectives to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Develop clear main points in your body paragraphs and provide specific examples or data from the graph to support them.
task achievement
Check for clarity in expressing ideas, ensuring that you explain the trends effectively with appropriate language.
task achievement
Be careful with the data representation; double-check that the percentages and comparisons you state correspond accurately to the information provided in the chart.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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