Doctors,nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society should be payed more than entertainment and celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?
It is a common belief that healthcare
workers
and teachers
who make a great contribution to society
should earn higher salaries than entertainers
and celebrities
. Personally, I partially agree with this
point of view. A discussion of this
issue as well as
my thoughts, will be highlighted in the write-up.
To begin
with, there are various reasons why those professional workers
should earn more money
than others. Firstly
, Doctors and nurses play a more important role in society
, this
is because everyone can be ill, even a
horrible disease. To be more specific, Change preposition
with a
people
need to rely on their acknowledgement to cure diseases. For example
, a normal vomit in a woman can mean something, such
as ill or pregnant, people
will never know unless they go to see a doctor. Secondly
, the
healthcare Correct article usage
apply
workers
and teachers
are highly required for education level. In other words
, people
who wanted
to be Wrong verb form
want
a
Correct article usage
apply
doctor
or Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
teacher
must have finished university. Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
For instance
,They need to put more effort, time and money
into their studying. Therefore
, the
Doctors,Nurses and Correct article usage
apply
teachers
deserve higher wages than the
Correct article usage
apply
entertainers
and celebrities
.
Nevertheless
, the contribution to society
of the entertainment industry and celebrities
cannot be neglected. First of all, people
cannot deny the good influence the entertainers
or celebrities
can have on us. This
is because they are more famous than normal people
, so they can use their voices to stand up to support some social issues. For example
, Taylar Swift, who is the most known
singer in the industry and has a huge fan base, can use her own voice to tell Correct word choice
well-known
people
to stop school bullying more effectively than others. Moreover
, some of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
celebrities
also
can earn huge money
by promoting themselves in
social media. If they can earn a lot of Change preposition
on
money
, they will definitely pay more taxes to the government which is good for society
as well.
In conclusion, although
entertainers
and celebrities
have their own way to contribute
to Change preposition
of contributing
society
, I still think that the
healthcare Correct article usage
apply
workers
and teachers
are more necessary to get paid higher wages.Submitted by 68aimmia on
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task achievement
Make sure the introduction includes a clear thesis statement that reflects your viewpoint and previews the main points to be discussed. Consider rephrasing the opening sentence to more directly engage with the prompt. For example:
"While some argue that the vital roles of healthcare workers and teachers in society warrant higher compensation in comparison to entertainers and celebrities, I believe that despite their different contributions, the remuneration of such professions should be more balanced, reflecting both societal impact and individual effort."
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on transitioning smoothly between ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal the topic of the paragraph. Avoid abrupt topic shifts. For example, instead of 'Firstly, Doctors and nurses...', you could use 'Turning to the essential services provided by healthcare professionals, one cannot overstate...'.
coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. This includes a clear progression of ideas and more elaborate development of arguments. Consider expanding on points with more detailed examples and explanations that are directly linked to the essay's main argument.
task achievement
Address the counterarguments with a bit more depth to build a stronger case for your argument. Take the time to explore the complexities of the issue, which will show a range of ideas and a more nuanced understanding of the task.
task achievement
Back up your points with specific examples. While you chose relevant examples, like the mention of Taylor Swift, expand upon them to clearly demonstrate how they tie back to your argument. This adds credibility and depth to your essay.