IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?

#convenience #foods #methods #food #preparation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the rise of
convenience
foods
 is no longer a stranger to us. Some people believe that eventually traditional
foods
 and traditional
food
 preparation methods will be replaced by it. Personally, I think I disagree with
this
 argument It can be seen that
convenience
foods
 are very popular. It is very convenient and can give us a delicious meal in just a few minutes.
However
, it does not bring us joy because we do not need to make it.
Therefore
, many famous programs have appeared to guide people to learn how to cook traditional dishes. Take my cousin
for example
. After learning that eating too much convenient
food
 would affect her health, she
started
Add the particle
started to
show examples
learn
Add the particle
learn to
show examples
 cook through TV shows,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gave her a healthy diet, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most special
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 her
saved
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 the budget Not only that, traditional
foods
 are
also
 used on special occasions in the family, weddings, funerals or any other occasion. Using traditional
foods
 or traditional
food
 processing methods is a which represents the cultural traditions of each country.
In addition
, it
also
 describes how to make these dishes and how we should be proud of the country's traditional
food
. That's the thing that
convenience
food
 cannot bring, so we need to promote the value of traditional
food
 more. In short, it is impossible for traditional
foods
 and methods to be replaced. It will be very difficult if we cannot enjoy these dishes when they are replaced by
convenience
foods
.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your essay's task achievement, expand upon your ideas to fully address the prompt. Make sure to cover both sides of the argument and provide a clearer position throughout the essay. Introduce specific examples early on to support your stance.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by creating a clearer logical structure. Use paragraphing effectively to separate your main points, and ensure each paragraph carries a central idea with coherent support. Consistent use of linking words will enhance the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: