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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. It has a negative effect on families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#foods #effect #families #societies
The prevalence of international fast
foods
 is increasingly replacing traditional
foods
, and
this
 shift has sparked debates regarding its impact on families and societies. I strongly agree that
this
 transition has several negative consequences.
Firstly
, the replacement of traditional
foods
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 fast
foods
 negatively affects family
health
. Traditional meals, often prepared at home, generally consist of nutritious ingredients and balanced portions.
In contrast
, fast
foods
 are typically high in fats, sugars, and salts, leading to various
health
 issues
such
 as obesity, diabetes, and heart diseases.
For instance
, families that frequently consume fast
foods
 may experience deteriorating
health
, which not only affects individual well-being but
also
 places a burden on healthcare systems.
Secondly
, the cultural implications of
this
 dietary shift are concerning. Traditional
foods
 are an integral part of cultural heritage and identity. They carry historical significance and foster a sense of community and belonging. The dominance of fast
foods
 erodes these cultural practices, leading to a loss of cultural diversity.
For example
, children growing up in environments where fast
foods
 are prevalent may lose touch with their cultural roots and traditional culinary skills, resulting in a diminished appreciation for their heritage.
Moreover
, the societal impact of
this
 trend cannot be ignored. The fast-food industry often promotes a fast-paced lifestyle, undermining the importance of family meals and social interactions. Traditional family meals are crucial for bonding and communication, providing opportunities for family members to connect and share their experiences. The decline of
such
 practices
due to
 the convenience of fast
foods
 weakens family cohesion and social ties. In conclusion, the replacement of traditional
foods
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 international fast
foods
 has significant negative effects on both families and societies. It compromises family
health
, erodes cultural heritage, and weakens social bonds.
Therefore
, it is imperative to recognize these impacts and encourage the preservation of traditional culinary practices.
Submitted by 876764430 on

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general
Though your essay presents a clear and compelling argument, adding more specific real-world examples or studies could further strengthen your points.
task achievement
Consider addressing any potential counterarguments. Acknowledging and refuting opposing views can make your argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, possibly by using more varied linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a strong logical structure and all main points are well-supported.
task achievement
You present a clear response to the task, with comprehensive ideas and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the debate, and the conclusion succinctly wraps up the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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