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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent decades, more and more individuals
decide
Wrong verb form
have decided
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 to delay their parenthood. Statistics show that the average
age
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 for parenthood rose to 30, nine years older than it was in 1970. The major reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend are the increasing living
costs
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, social changes, and personal hobbies. Even though a
child
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 later in life can lead to increased
health
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 risk for the woman and the baby, older
parents
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 are more financially stable and emotionally prepared which allows their children to properly grow physically and mentally. Living prices have risen dramatically over the years, and having a kid is highly expensive, causing young couples to be hesitant. A
child
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 comes with an infinite number of additional
costs
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, including medical, educational, and fundamental human requirements. These are
costs
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 that many young
people
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 cannot afford. Having a
child
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 necessitates a significant amount of personal time as well. A parent must devote time to caring for their infant, feeding them and cleaning up after them. A lot of young couples might not have the time required now that society has changed. Unlike society back in the early 20th century where
people
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 became
parents
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 at a much earlier
age
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, every person now has to go to work, get higher education, and
many
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do many
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 other duties. Not only do young
people
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 need to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their duties
,
Add the word(s)
, but
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they
also
Linking Words
 need to satisfy their personal needs,
such
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 as
traveling
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travelling
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 the world, focusing on their education, and working towards their
career
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careers
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 to improve their financial status. These are the main factors that encourage
people
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 to become
parents
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 at a later
age
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 in life. Having children at an older
age
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 comes with both disadvantages and advantages. Giving birth at an older
age
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 increases the chance of miscarriage, which is harmful
for
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to
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 the woman’s
health
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 afterwards.
According to
Linking Words
 doctors, among women who are 35 or older, the rate of stillbirth is 5.8 per 1000 newborns. The baby
also
Linking Words
 has a chance of
a
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apply
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lighter birth weight, more abnormalities associated with chromosomes, and other negative outcomes. Despite the
health
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 concerns, later parental
age
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 comes with many advantages. It is proven that older
parents
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 are more economically free and educated. The reason
being
Wrong verb form
is that
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 they had the chance to focus on their education and careers when they were young without having a
child
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 to hinder them from those activities. Being more financially stable and emotionally prepared
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 fundamental to the development of their
child
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, with more economic freedom, the
parents
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 can be able to afford healthy foods and good medical products which ensures the
child
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’s physical growth and
health
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. They can
also
Linking Words
 give their kids more educational experiences at a young
age
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,
such
Linking Words
 as letting them travel to different places in the world and giving them access to good schooling.
This
Linking Words
 allows the
child
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 to develop mentally and intelligently and unlock more opportunities in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future. In essence, ​the main causes behind delayed parenthood are rising living
costs
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, social changes, and personal interests. Even
while
Linking Words
 having a
child
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 later in life increases the woman's and the baby's
health
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 risks, older
parents
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 are more financially stable and emotionally prepared, allowing their children to thrive physically and psychologically.

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Task Response
To enhance task response, ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed. The essay could improve by discussing more thoroughly whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of ideas.
Task Response
To strengthen the essay, include more relevant specific examples that support the main points made, possibly citing sources or research to add credibility to the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritization
  • financial stability
  • educational prospects
  • personal development
  • health advancements
  • fertility options
  • economic uncertainties
  • parenthood
  • societal norms
  • life experience
  • generational gap
  • upbringing
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