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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #life #trend
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In recent decades, more and more individuals
decide
Wrong verb form
have decided
show examples
 to delay their parenthood. Statistics show that the average
age
 for parenthood rose to 30, nine years older than it was in 1970. The major reasons behind
this
 trend are the increasing living
costs
, social changes, and personal hobbies. Even though a
child
 later in life can lead to increased
health
 risk for the woman and the baby, older
parents
 are more financially stable and emotionally prepared which allows their children to properly grow physically and mentally. Living prices have risen dramatically over the years, and having a kid is highly expensive, causing young couples to be hesitant. A
child
 comes with an infinite number of additional
costs
, including medical, educational, and fundamental human requirements. These are
costs
 that many young
people
 cannot afford. Having a
child
 necessitates a significant amount of personal time as well. A parent must devote time to caring for their infant, feeding them and cleaning up after them. A lot of young couples might not have the time required now that society has changed. Unlike society back in the early 20th century where
people
 became
parents
 at a much earlier
age
, every person now has to go to work, get higher education, and
many
Add a missing verb
do many
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 other duties. Not only do young
people
 need to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their duties
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
they
also
 need to satisfy their personal needs,
such
 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 the world, focusing on their education, and working towards their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 to improve their financial status. These are the main factors that encourage
people
 to become
parents
 at a later
age
 in life. Having children at an older
age
 comes with both disadvantages and advantages. Giving birth at an older
age
 increases the chance of miscarriage, which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the woman’s
health
 afterwards.
According to
 doctors, among women who are 35 or older, the rate of stillbirth is 5.8 per 1000 newborns. The baby
also
 has a chance of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
lighter birth weight, more abnormalities associated with chromosomes, and other negative outcomes. Despite the
health
 concerns, later parental
age
 comes with many advantages. It is proven that older
parents
 are more economically free and educated. The reason
being
Wrong verb form
is that
show examples
 they had the chance to focus on their education and careers when they were young without having a
child
 to hinder them from those activities. Being more financially stable and emotionally prepared
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 fundamental to the development of their
child
.
For instance
, with more economic freedom, the
parents
 can be able to afford healthy foods and good medical products which ensures the
child
’s physical growth and
health
. They can
also
 give their kids more educational experiences at a young
age
,
such
 as letting them travel to different places in the world and giving them access to good schooling.
This
 allows the
child
 to develop mentally and intelligently and unlock more opportunities in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future. In essence, ​the main causes behind delayed parenthood are rising living
costs
, social changes, and personal interests. Even
while
 having a
child
 later in life increases the woman's and the baby's
health
 risks, older
parents
 are more financially stable and emotionally prepared, allowing their children to thrive physically and psychologically.
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Task Response
To enhance task response, ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed. The essay could improve by discussing more thoroughly whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of ideas.
Task Response
To strengthen the essay, include more relevant specific examples that support the main points made, possibly citing sources or research to add credibility to the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritization
  • financial stability
  • educational prospects
  • personal development
  • health advancements
  • fertility options
  • economic uncertainties
  • parenthood
  • societal norms
  • life experience
  • generational gap
  • upbringing
What to do next:
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