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Writing Samples
Band 5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Luck
Use synonyms
 plays a role in everyone’s lives and their road to
success
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.
While
Linking Words
 some people rely on
luck
Use synonyms
 and believe that it is an essential factor to
success
Use synonyms
, others argue that hard
work
Use synonyms
 and personal
effort
Use synonyms
matters
Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
show examples
 more. Even though
luck
Use synonyms
 can
play
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a minor impact,
effort
Use synonyms
 is more pivotal to an individual’s
success
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 because it is under their control and hard
work
Use synonyms
 is necessary to seize the opportunity created by
luck
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. Admittedly, some individuals attain
success
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 without putting in much
work
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, but
such
Linking Words
 situations are uncommon, because
luck
Use synonyms
 is not something that can fully guarantee
success
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.
Luck
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 is a chance occurrence and there is no way of controlling it, it may come or it may not. Personal
effort
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 and hard
work
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Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, are in the hands of every individual, and they can use it to create their future of
success
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 most successful people worked hard to get there and overcome various challenges along the way. Their determination, tenacity, and hard
work
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 are the driving factors that determine their achievements. Even if
luck
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 is to come to a person, it cannot help them achieve their aims in life if they do not put any exertion into it.
For instance
Linking Words
, an individual
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
born into a wealthy family is lucky, they have more economic freedom and
therefore
Linking Words
 they do not have to face a lot of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 barriers that block them from numerous opportunities. Now it is their turn to use those opportunities to help them achieve their aims in life. If the individual does not
work
Use synonyms
 their part to utilize their advantages
then
Linking Words
 their
luck
Use synonyms
 is useless to their path to
success
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
luck
Use synonyms
 can
play
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
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influence
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an individual's achievement,
effort
Use synonyms
 is more important, it is not possible to control
luck
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
 is required to take the opportunity created by
luck
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
You can improve the logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs and emphasizing how each idea connects to your main argument. Try to use a variety of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
It's great that you have an introduction and conclusion, but to improve, ensure your introduction more clearly outlines the essay's arguments and the conclusion summarizes them effectively, reinforcing your stance.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, include more detailed evidence and examples. This can include hypothetical scenarios, historical events, or personal experiences that directly support your argument.
task achievement
Your response is complete but could be enhanced by discussing the counterpoint in more detail. This will demonstrate a fuller understanding of the topic and show you can refute opposing arguments comprehensively.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive. Providing further analysis and depth to each point will make your stance stronger and your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
To score higher on task achievement, strive to include more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the question. Drawing from a wider range of sources or adding more in-depth personal insight could strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
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