IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do nor require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that the need to marry among
women
Use synonyms
 is decreasing at present in some regions. Many people believe that it is because of independence in money and not need to rely on financial advantages from marriage,
while
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 I am of the opinion that there are various sectors for
this
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 situation. On the one hand, the idea of self-reliance of
women
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to some extent.
Firstly
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,
women
Use synonyms
 nowadays are given sufficient educational guidance.
For example
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, there is a change in human perception of
women
Use synonyms
, not to be disregarded . Another reason is
women
Use synonyms
 are now able to earn a living on their own by self capabilities.
This
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 is because they are trying to prove themself and to have a sustainable income.
For instance
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, Emma Waston is the person who speaks for Feminism, hypes up and encourages
women
Use synonyms
 around the world.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that there are other features that affected
this
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 decision. The main one is the trust issue, which is coming from the significant increase in divorces in recent years.
As a result
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, more and more
women
Use synonyms
 are scared of getting married.
Secondly
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, wanting to pursue their dream, many
women
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 spend their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on their own businesses. Knowing that they would not have enough time to take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their families.
For instance
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, Susan B. Anthony, an activist who spoke for
women
Use synonyms
’s suffrage, did not want to deal with caring for a family and devoted her life to feminism. In conclusion,
although
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 there are many reasons for a woman not to choose to get married, I believe that Independence in financial spending constitutes the main factor. It is viable that with financial freedom,
women
Use synonyms
 believe that it is not necessary to marry.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by having well-defined paragraphs, each with a clear main point. Use connectives effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and conclusion that effectively paraphrase the question and summarise your main points. Make sure you state your opinion clearly in the introduction if the question asks for it.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with well-developed arguments and examples. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea which is expanded upon throughout the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide a complete response to the prompt, covering all parts of the question and clearly presenting your view. Stay focused on the question topic and avoid including unrelated information.
task achievement
Organise ideas clearly and logically. Develop each point comprehensively with explanations, details, and examples where relevant to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples that directly support your argument. Examples should be persuasive and clearly linked to the main points being discussed.
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