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Band 4.5

Nowadays, people have greater access to fast food. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadavantages?

#people #access #food #outweigh #disadavantages
New generation
people
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more preferences to eat unhealthy
food
 like pizza which is easily available whole around the globe,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some say
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of health problem is
also
 raising by
this
 habit.
Thus
, my following essay will explain the merits and demerits of
this
 trend, I personally believe that
it's has
Change the verb form
it has
show examples
 more
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 than
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. To commence with the former
argurment
Correct your spelling
argument
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 is present
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
 part of the world, and it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 the source of earning in
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
numerous
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
, even
by
Change preposition
because of
show examples
this
people
 can easily eat any
food
 of their
country
food
 at
aound
Correct your spelling
around
 the world.
For example
, pizza is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 Italian
food
 which is famous in every
country
,
such
 as in India every single
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
love
Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
show examples
 to eat it .
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are busy in their personal and professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to that they
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 less
time
 to cook
food
 for
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
Therefore
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
 in other tasks . Despite these positive effects, there is ample negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
such
 as it caused
health
Add an article
a health
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, I meant to say that
people
 who completely depend upon unhealthy
food
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 lots of issues as in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
time
people
life
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
time
 was
alomst
Correct your spelling
almost
 over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
100
whereas
 nowadays
people
 hardly survive for 60 or 70 years just because of fast
food
 habits.
Along with
this
, in prehistoric
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
,
people
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
 together
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
especially morning and night
time
while
 eating they
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 future goals and
full day
Add a hyphen
full-day
show examples
 activities with each other
whereas
due to
 access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fast
food
Add a comma
food,
show examples
this
 habit
Add a missing verb
was
show examples
totally removed , in contrary, nowadays no one having
time
 for their closed ones with whom they can their meal. Probing
further
, per
teenages
Correct your spelling
teenagers
teenager
 and
teenagers
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 children
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 obesity like
people
 at
early
Add an article
an early
the early
show examples
 stage of life which causes
further
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 like heart attack and so on,
this
 only
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
due to
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
fast
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
.
As parents
Change preposition
Parents
show examples
 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 much
time
 to cook
food
 for their children
that is
why
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 they order online and serve them, by
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
children
also
 follow
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 thing and avoid to eat home cook
food
. In conclusion,
although
 international
food
 is present everywhere in
this
 era,
people
 can easily taste any
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
food
while
 sitting
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
country
,
nonetheless
due to
 health
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 like obesity,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 attacks
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the disadvantages of
this
 idea can not be ignored.
Submitted by kirandkaur131 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns) effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure you fully address the prompt by exploring both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. Connect your ideas back to the question and include a clear position throughout your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Economic stimulus
  • Accessibility
  • Obesity
  • Cardiovascular diseases
  • Nutritional value
  • Environmental impact
  • Cultural degradation
  • Packaging waste
  • Carbon footprint
  • Global brands
  • Local food heritage
  • Dietary needs
  • Franchises
What to do next:
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