In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Although
urbanization potentially improves the standard of living, I believe that this
may create several harms like raising the number
of criminal and environmental issues.
Mobilitation that mostly done by people
who live in rural areas
to urban areas
in order to have a better condition of life. Unfortunately, it seems hard to earn money in a metropolitan city due to
the high competition in the labour market. As a result
, they will have a financial threat that might leads
to criminal ways to get money. Change the verb form
lead
For instance
, Jakarta as a metropolitan country has a high number
of theft cases in public spaces and even public transport.
The increasing population in the urban areas
seems like creates
harm to the environment, especially air and water pollution. If there are more Change preposition
to create
people
in a city, there will be more users of transportation due to
each human's mobilisation in daily life. This
will produce more carbon dioxide in the air which can also
have a bad impact on health. Other than that, most people
that not have a better quality of life when move to the city are live in the
slum Correct article usage
apply
area
which sometimes near the river. The residue from laundry, shampoo, and soap that go to the river will create Fix the agreement mistake
areas
a
pollution for the water.
In conclusion, activities like urbanization will create negative development since cities already have a massive Remove the article
apply
number
of people
. The growing number
of humans in urban areas
will give drawbacks such
as an increase the criminal cases and pollution.Submitted by joyapakpahan on
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coherence cohesion
To score higher in coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs containing an introductory sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. Conclusions should summarize your argument without introducing new information.
task achievement
For better task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt. Focus on providing a more complete argument that balances the discussion between consequences and reasoning behind urbanization.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and precise examples to strengthen your argument and to show a clear understanding of the topic. Avoid making generalizations without specific evidence.