IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 urbanization potentially improves the standard of living, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 may create several harms like raising the
number
Use synonyms
 of criminal and environmental issues. Mobilitation that mostly done by
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 in order to have a better condition of life. Unfortunately, it seems hard to earn money in a metropolitan city
due to
Linking Words
 the high competition in the labour market.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will have a financial threat that might
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to criminal ways to get money.
For instance
Linking Words
, Jakarta as a metropolitan country has a high
number
Use synonyms
 of theft cases in public spaces and even public transport. The increasing population in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
 seems
like creates
Change preposition
to create
show examples
 harm to the environment, especially air and water pollution. If there are more
people
Use synonyms
 in a city, there will be more users of transportation
due to
Linking Words
 each human's mobilisation in daily life.
This
Linking Words
 will produce more carbon dioxide in the air which can
also
Linking Words
 have a bad impact on health. Other than that, most
people
Use synonyms
 that not have a better quality of life when move to the city are live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slum
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 which sometimes near the river. The residue from laundry, shampoo, and soap that go to the river will create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pollution for the water. In conclusion, activities like urbanization will create negative development since cities already have a massive
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
. The growing
number
Use synonyms
 of humans in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 will give drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as an increase the criminal cases and pollution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To score higher in coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs containing an introductory sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. Conclusions should summarize your argument without introducing new information.
task achievement
For better task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt. Focus on providing a more complete argument that balances the discussion between consequences and reasoning behind urbanization.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and precise examples to strengthen your argument and to show a clear understanding of the topic. Avoid making generalizations without specific evidence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: