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Band 4

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
n
Correct your spelling
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, the rise in
crime
 rates become a major issue in many countries around the world
while
 there are various reasons behind
this
, there are three factors
such
 as
poverty
,political
instability
 and inefficient
law
enforcement
.
This
 essay primarily explains about these factors lead to an increase in
crime
. And how we can deal with the causes.
Firstly
, why
poverty
 is rising? because of jobless life and employment lay off at a sudden period by corporate companies. It leads to
crime
 to get money to live life. The farmers adopted
to
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machine works for agriculture. In
this
 case, the
government
 has to take action
such
 as providing loans, provide jobs for
people
. In
this
 situation, we can reduce the
poverty
.
Also
government
 should track who and all affected by
poverty
a
Correct article usage
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monthly once. For that reason, many charities and trust management are providing food and
providing
Verb problem
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money as educational support for students.
Secondly
, the Political
instability
 of the state or central
government
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may be a reason for an increase in
crime
.
Due to
 political
instability
 issues,
the
Correct article usage
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 criminals may take advantage of
this
 situation. In
this
 scenario, more corruption will be increased by politicians or by
government
 employees.
Also
 when
the
Correct article usage
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law
enforcement
 is inefficient, it leads to
crime
. So
government
 has to prepare to solve the political
instability
 and inefficient
law
enforcement
.
To conclude
this
, the
government
 should track robustly
to
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their offers to reach
people
. In
this
 case, we could save
people
 from corruption And the
government
 has to focus on political strength
such
 as political
instability
 is the main concern.
Due to
 political issues,
people
 should not be involved in terrorism. So the
government
 have to tighten the security for political leaders. Based on new ideas, the
government
 has up-to-date on
law
enforcement
. It could solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inefficient
law
enforcement
.
Finally
, the
government
 has to reduce
poverty
, create political stability and make efficient
law
enforcement
 should stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 in their countries.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically. Your paragraphs should follow a clear sequence, each with a central idea that is fully developed and connected to the other paragraphs. Make use of linking words to connect your ideas and ensure smooth transitions between them.
task achievement
For task achievement, you should address all parts of the prompt fully. Develop your ideas thoroughly and provide detailed examples to support your points. Ensure that the response remains focused on the questions asked throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
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