IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

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n
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, the rise in
crime
Use synonyms
 rates become a major issue in many countries around the world
while
Linking Words
 there are various reasons behind
this
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, there are three factors
such
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 as
poverty
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,political
instability
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 and inefficient
law
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enforcement
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.
This
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 essay primarily explains about these factors lead to an increase in
crime
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. And how we can deal with the causes.
Firstly
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, why
poverty
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 is rising? because of jobless life and employment lay off at a sudden period by corporate companies. It leads to
crime
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 to get money to live life. The farmers adopted
to
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machine works for agriculture. In
this
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 case, the
government
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 has to take action
such
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 as providing loans, provide jobs for
people
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. In
this
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 situation, we can reduce the
poverty
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.
Also
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government
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 should track who and all affected by
poverty
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a
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apply
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monthly once. For that reason, many charities and trust management are providing food and
providing
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money as educational support for students.
Secondly
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, the Political
instability
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 of the state or central
government
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,
It
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apply
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may be a reason for an increase in
crime
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.
Due to
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 political
instability
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 issues,
the
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 criminals may take advantage of
this
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 situation. In
this
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 scenario, more corruption will be increased by politicians or by
government
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 employees.
Also
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 when
the
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apply
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law
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enforcement
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 is inefficient, it leads to
crime
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. So
government
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 has to prepare to solve the political
instability
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 and inefficient
law
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enforcement
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.
To conclude
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this
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, the
government
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 should track robustly
to
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apply
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their offers to reach
people
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. In
this
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 case, we could save
people
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 from corruption And the
government
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 has to focus on political strength
such
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 as political
instability
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 is the main concern.
Due to
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 political issues,
people
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 should not be involved in terrorism. So the
government
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 have to tighten the security for political leaders. Based on new ideas, the
government
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 has up-to-date on
law
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enforcement
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. It could solve
the
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apply
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inefficient
law
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enforcement
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
government
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 has to reduce
poverty
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, create political stability and make efficient
law
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enforcement
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 should stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 in their countries.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically. Your paragraphs should follow a clear sequence, each with a central idea that is fully developed and connected to the other paragraphs. Make use of linking words to connect your ideas and ensure smooth transitions between them.
task achievement
For task achievement, you should address all parts of the prompt fully. Develop your ideas thoroughly and provide detailed examples to support your points. Ensure that the response remains focused on the questions asked throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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