IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains betweeh cities Others helleve the money should be spent an improving existing public transport Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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On the one hand, constructing new railway lines for high-speed trains brings several benefits for the residents.
Firstly
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, the more ways of transport are born, the more convenient experiences people have every day. It is easy to see that traffic jams are a serious problem in megacities and fast trains can significantly solve it.
Moreover
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, high-speed trains can save much
time
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 as their speed is the fastest compared to other
vehicles
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.
Therefore
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, students can have more
time
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 to finish their homework, workers can have their breakfast more easily without feeling worried about being late.
On the other hand
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, the existing public transport system ought to be upgraded.
First,
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many people
use
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 buses or coaches every day leading to the damage of these
vehicles
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. Developing public
vehicles
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 can help the locals to have a better experience every
time
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 they
use
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 them to travel.
Furthermore
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, there are more and more accidents happening because buses have been used for too long. Just because of a small reason, many victims were injured or even died
while
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 they didn't do anything wrong. I suppose that the government should
use
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money
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 to upgrade and fix the damages of existing public
vehicles
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 because it costs less
money
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 and
time
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 but people can still
use
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 these services in the most comfortable and relaxing way. In short,
while
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 constructing new train systems can bring many advantages, I still believe that when
money
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 is used to improve current transport systems, these
vehicles
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 can adapt to all of our requirements and we can have more
money
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 to develop other fields
such
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 as education or entertainment

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the discussion of both views.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices, and ensure each idea is clearly linked to the next.
task achievement
There is a clear recognition of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for each view and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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