An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development

In the modern world, a number of people tend to change their

appearance

due to

various procedures. Is it an advantage or drawback? Experts and surgeons have been discussing

this

issue for a long time. Some will agree with the statement,

whereas

there are opponents of

this

view. Both sides will be debated in

this

essay and my opinion will be given. On the one hand, there are plenty of positive sides to having an operation in order to increase the

appearance

. First of all, some humans are born with defects in

appearance

, which is why it is a great opportunity in order fix that.

For instance

, my friend was born with a huge birthmark and it embarrassed her. In the span of 18-20

years

Add a comma

years,

show examples

she removed it.

Moreover

, thanks to the fact some individuals have a chance to be more confident.

That is

why society is changing the way they look.

On the other hand

, more and more humans are addicted to having beauty operations. It leads to terrible accidents.

Moreover

, it has a negative effect on health.

For example

, nowadays, there are really death accidents related to beauty operations.

In addition

, a number of celebrities have many operations and it looks awful. All things considered, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that the public should remember that every person is different and beautiful, which is why it is superbly significant to think about changing something in yourself. In my opinion, I am glad that these days we have a brilliant chance to fix and improve our physical

appearance

However

, the main thing is to stop at the time.

Submitted by dulskywork on Mon Jan 29 2024

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structure

Ensure your introduction adequately paraphrases the question and clearly outlines your essay structure. Your conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new ideas.

content

Work on paragraph structure, using clear topic sentences supported by examples or explanations.

cohesion

Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, and maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.

task response

Fully address all parts of the task, making sure to discuss the 'why' behind the increase in cosmetic surgery as well as clearly stating if you believe the development is positive or negative.

examples

Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments so that they are more convincing.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Idealized beauty standards
Cosmetic surgery
Advancements in medical technology
Socially acceptable
Self-improvement
Psychological well-being
Competitive workforce
Youthful appearance
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Physical appearance

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

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