IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Directors and leaders of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better to have young people as leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #leaders #organizations #people
These days an increasing number of elders run businesses,
whereas
 not many youngsters can be noticed as the leaders of different companies. It's argued that it is beneficial for a society to provide leading positions to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 younger
generation
, as they are more productive and creative. I fully agree with
this
 statement, and
this
 essay will explain why. First and foremost, organisations which are founded by old people often lack innovation.
Hence
, employers are locked in a boring environment, in which they are reluctant to participate, providing the same outdated
ideas
.
Consequently
, individuals struggle to feel satisfied
while
 working, as they lack a feeling of inspiration and joy. It was noticed, that in Japan, many employees who work for older bosses, often experience misunderstanding and ignorance about their fresh
ideas
.
Hence
, young workers constantly look for other employment opportunities, where they feel confident and approved. Another reason is the progress that can be brought by
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 younger
generation
. In most cases, young individuals have fewer health issues than elders, feeling more productive and motivated.
This
 becomes extremely beneficial to the companies that opt to be unique, achieving great results for a short period of time.
Moreover
, the motivational energy of young leaders stimulates other colleagues to be more efficient and creative.
For example
, Russian businessman Pavel Durov, who invented two big social media platforms, is a model for many teenagers who are inspired to follow him , having interesting
ideas
 which are progressive. In conclusion, even though the older
generation
 provides reliable working methods, it can be hard for them to change their traditional way of thinking. I truly believe that the young
generation
 is full of great
ideas
 which can make the world better
along with
 having employees who are eager to work in collaboration with others and experience positive feelings.
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure there is clear logical progression throughout the essay. Ideas should be organized and paragraphs should seamlessly connect to each other with appropriate use of linking words.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task, remaining relevant throughout. Develop ideas fully and avoid generalizations by using specific examples. Make sure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: