IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are working increasingly longer hours. What are the reasons for this. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In
this
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 day and age, Numerous individuals are inclined to
work
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 extended
hours
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 to an increasing extent. I firmly agree with the stated notion because
people
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 are willing to do the
work
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due to
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 economic and cultural impact on their lives and undoubtedly it has detrimental consequences on health.
To begin
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 with, multitudinous
people
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 are likely to do long working
hours
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 because of low socio-economic status and to fulfil their basic needs and desires. Inflation
also
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 plays a big role in pushing
people
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 to
work
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 in a dynamic environment with longer
hours
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 which often makes them more tolerant, self-reliant and resilient.
In addition
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, increments in wages, promotions of positions, rewards and pressure from seniors often resulted in working lengthy shifts.
For instance
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, research conducted in Australian colleges reported that immigrants are relatively working overtime to clear the educational debt that they have in their country
thus
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, students would be compelled to
work
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 extra
hours
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.
Moreover
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, the culture of working extra
hours
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 has largely impacted worker's lives and their health. Working extended
hours
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 for a longer period of time can cause illnesses like burnout syndrome, depression, and ischemic heart disease.
Due to
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 high demand and low supply several private hospitals demand healthcare providers who can
work
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 long
hours
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 shifts, which undoubtedly can cause physical, mental and emotional exhaustion.
Besides
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, another example,
according to
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 WHO, participants who tend to
work
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 long
hours
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 are more likely to suffer from diseases
such
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 as myocardial infarction, stroke, depression and early death
hence
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, working long
hours
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 indeed leads to life-threatening conditions.
To conclude
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, after the aforementioned reasons, there is no doubt that working for an extended period of time can have a detrimental effect on health.
However
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, most
people
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 tend to
work
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 long
hours
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 for multifarious reasons to overcome their financial situations.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure your essay with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance the logical flow of ideas and arguments. The introduction should be a more focused paragraph outlining the topic and your thesis statement. Moreover, paragraphs should be organized around a single main idea with clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas within and across paragraphs to enhance the readability of your text. Avoid redundancy and aim for clear and concise use of language to articulate points effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task by discussing both the reasons for people working longer hours and giving your opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. Develop your ideas fully with detailed explanation and more specific examples to back up your points.
task achievement
Ensure that the examples you provide are directly relevant and detailed enough to support the points you make in your argument. The use of statistics, research findings, or anecdotal evidence will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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